Chapter 33
"Dear Lorand, you are angry with me."
"No. Only tell me what else you know."
"If you wish I will leave you here and return."
"Do as you wish."
"And what shall I tell dear mother, if she asks questions about you?"
Lorand dispiritedly turned his head away from me.
"You wrote to me to cheer and comfort mother and grandmother:--tell me then, what shall I write to them, if they enquire after you?"
Lorand answered defiantly,
"Write that Lorand is dead."
At his answer the blood boiled within me. I seized my brother's hands and cried to him:
"Lorand, till now the fathers were suicides in our family: do you wish that the mothers should continue the list?"
It was a pitiless remark of mine, I knew. Lorand commenced to s.h.i.+ver, I felt it. He stood up before me and became so pale.
I wished I had addressed him more gently.
"My dear brother Lorand, could you bear to become responsible for a mother, who left her child, and for another who died for her child?"
Lorand clasped his hands and bowed his head.
"If you only knew what you are saying to me now?" he said with such bitter reproach that I can never forget it.
"But I have not yet told you all I know."
"What do you know? As yet you are happy--your life mere play--pa.s.sion does not yet trouble you. But I am already lost, through what, you have no idea, and may you never have!"
How he must love that woman!
It would have cost me few words to make him hate and despise her, but I did not wish to break his heart. I had other means with which to steel his heart, that he might wake up, as from a delirious dream, to another life.
I too had had visions about my piano-playing beauty: but I had forgotten that ideal for ever and ever, for being able to play, after she knew her mother had run away.--But that was mere childish love, a child's thought---there is something, however, in the heart which is awakened earlier,
"Lorand, I don't know what enchantment it was, with which this woman could lure you after her. But I know that I too have a magic word, which will tear you from her."
"Your magic word?--Do you wish to speak of mother? Do you wish to stand in my way with her name?--Do so.--The only effect you will produce, by worrying me very much, will be that I shall blow my brains out here before you: but from that woman you can never tear me."
"I have no intention to speak of poor mother. It is a different subject I have in mind."
"Something, or someone else."
"It is Balnokhazy, for whose sake you are going to leave this woman."
Lorand shrugged his shoulders.
"Do you think I am afraid of Balnokhazy's prosecution?"
"He has no intention of prosecuting you. He has been very considerate to his wife in similar cases. Well, don't knit your eyebrows so; I am not saying a word about his wife. I have no business with women. Balnokhazy will not prosecute you, he will merely tell the world what has happened to him."
Lorand, with a bitter smile of scorn, asked me:
"What will he relate to the world?"
"That his wife broke open his safe, stole his jewels, and his ready money, and eloped with a young man."
Lorand turned abruptly to me like one whom a snake has bitten,
"What did he say?"
"That his faithless wife in company with a young man, whom he had treated like his own child, has stolen his money, and then run away, like a thief--with her companion in theft!"
Lorand clutched at the table for support.
"Don't, don't say any more."
"I shall. I have seen the safes, empty, in which the family treasures were wont to be piled. I heard from the cabman, who handed in her travelling bag after her that 'it must have been full of gold, it was so heavy.'"
Lorand's face was burning now like the clouds of a storm-swept sky at sunset.
"Did you have the bag in your hands?" I asked him.
"Not a word more!" Lorand cried, pressing my arm so that it pained me.
"That woman shall never see me again."
Then he sank upon the table and sobbed.
How glad I felt that I had been able to move him.
Soon he raised his tear-stained face, stood up, came to me, embraced and kissed me.
"You have conquered!--Now tell me what else you want with me?"
I was incapable of uttering a word, so oppressed was my heart in my delight, my anguish. It was no child's play, this. Fate is not wont to entrust such a struggle to a child's hands.
"Brother, dear!" more I could not say: I felt as he must have when he brought me up from the bottom of the Danube.
"You will not allow anyone," he whispered, "to utter such a calumny against me."
"You may be sure of that."
"You will not let them degrade me before mother?"