Chapter 36
Feb. 26. My prayer this morning was in particular, that the Lord would be pleased now to look in pity upon us, and take off His hand.
Indeed, for several days my prayer has been that He would enable us to continue to trust in Him, and not lay more upon us than He would enable us to bear. This is now again Sat.u.r.day. There having been given yesterday a rich supply to the matrons, I knew that not so much as usual would be required this Sat.u.r.day; still I thought that 1l.
10s. would be needed. Between ten and eleven o?clock this morning a parcel came from Clapham, containing 2l. 2s., with 2 frocks, 2 petticoats, 2 chemises, 2 pinafores, and 6 handkerchiefs (all new.) Thus we were richly supplied for today, for only 1l. 10s. was needed.
There was moreover half-a-sovereign put into the box at my house this day by a little boy, and 2s. 6d. came in by sale of articles. Thus we were brought to the close of a week in which more than at any previous time the Lord has been pleased to try our faith. To Him most manifestly we owe it that our faith has not failed completely.
Feb. 28. Yesterday Q. Q. gave me an order for 8l. As it was left to me to lay out the money as I thought well, I put 4l. of it to the School-Fund, and 4l. to the Orphan-Fund. Thus both parts of the work have been again most seasonably helped, as today the teachers in the Day-Schools greatly needed some money for themselves. Today 13s. was received for the Orphans.
March 2. Yesterday I found a sovereign in the Orphan-box at my house; received 9s. 2 3/4d. from three little boys, being the produce of their Orphan-box; 2s. 6d. for Reports; and 1l. 10s., being the profit of the sale of ladies? baskets. Thus we were again supplied for yesterday and today. This evening were also sent, by order of an Irish sister, 33 1/2 lbs. of woollen yarn. Respecting this donation it is to be remarked, that last Sat.u.r.day we had asked the Lord in our prayer-meeting, that He would be pleased to send us means to purchase worsted, in order that the boys might go on with their knitting.
March 3. Yesterday 5s. came in, and this evening a sovereign, when there was now again great need, there being no money in hand.
March 5. Sat.u.r.day. It was not a small deliverance, that the Lord sent this morning, between ten and eleven o?clock, 2l. 10s. from Edinburgh, when there were no means in hand to meet this day?s necessities, nay, not even the means to procure a dinner, as only 4s.
had come in yesterday.--Evening. About eight o?clock a gentleman called on me. He said "I come at a late hour, but I trust not the less acceptable on that account. I bring you a little money for the Orphans." He then gave me two sovereigns. When I requested him to give me his name, he told me, that if the giving of his name would be of any benefit he would do so, but as it would not, I might simply put down in the Report "Sent," for he was sure that the Lord had sent him.--I believe it, for the help came most seasonably and in answer to prayer. There was likewise taken out of the box in my house half-a-sovereign.
March 9. At a time of the greatest need, both with regard to the Day-Schools and the Orphans, so much so that we could not have gone on any longer without help, I received this day 10l. from a brother who lives near Dublin. The money was divided between the Day-Schools and the Orphan-Houses. The following little circ.u.mstance is to be noticed respecting this donation:--As our need was so great, and my soul was, through grace, truly waiting upon the Lord, I looked out for supplies in the course of this morning. The post, however, was out, and no supplies had come. This did not in the least discourage me. I said to myself, the Lord can send means without the post, or even now, though the post is out, by this very delivery of letters He may have sent means, though the money is not yet in my hands. It was not long after I had thus spoken to myself, when, according to my hope in G.o.d, we were helped; for the brother who sent us the 10l., had this time directed his letter to the Boys?-Orphan-House, whence it was sent to me.
March 11. Yesterday a box arrived from one of the Northern Counties, respecting which the donor had requested that neither the articles which it contained, nor the name of the place whence it came, should be mentioned in the public account. I, therefore, only state here that thus the Lord has again most seasonably helped us, besides giving us a fresh proof, in raising up this new and anonymous donor, that He does not cease to care for us. It is intended to apply the produce of the articles contained in the box partly for the Orphans, and partly for the other objects. Though the box arrived only yesterday, we are even this day helped through means of it; for we disposed today of some of the articles to the amount of 9l. 6s. 6d.
Of this sum 7l. 6s. 6d. was divided among the teachers, who much needed it; and 2l. was taken for the Orphan-Fund, without which the need of this day could not have been supplied in the Orphan-Houses.
March 17. From the 12th to the 16th had come in 4l. 5s. 1l 1/2d. for the Orphans. This morning our poverty, which now has lasted more or less for several months, had become exceedingly great. I left my house a few minutes after seven to go to the Orphan-Houses, to see whether there was money enough to take in the milk, which is brought about eight o?clock. On my way it was especially my request, that the Lord would be pleased to pity us, even as a father pitieth his children, and that He would not lay more upon us than He would enable us to bear. I especially entreated him that He would now be pleased to refresh our hearts by sending us help. I likewise reminded Him of the consequences that would result, both in reference to believers and unbelievers, if we should have to give up the work because of want of means, and that He therefore would not permit its coming to nought. I moreover again confessed before the Lord that I deserved not that He should continue to use me in this work any longer. While I was thus in prayer, about two minutes? walk from the Orphan-Houses, I met a brother who was going at this early hour to his business.
After having exchanged a few words with him, I went on; but he presently ran after me, and gave me 1l. for the Orphans. Thus the Lord speedily answered my prayer. Truly, it is worth being poor and greatly tried in faith, for the sake of having day by day such precious proofs of the loving interest which our kind Father takes in every thing that concerns us. And how should our Father do otherwise?
He that has given us the greatest possible proof of His love which He could have done, in giving us His own Son, surely He will with Him also freely give us all things. It is worth also being poor and greatly tried in faith, if but thereby the hearts of the children of G.o.d may be comforted and their faith strengthened; and if but those who do not know G.o.d, and who may read or hear of His dealings with us, should be led thereby to see, that faith in G.o.d is more than a mere notion, and that there is indeed reality in Christianity. In the course of this day there came in still further 13s.
March 19. Sat.u.r.day. As it has often been the case on Sat.u.r.days, so it was this day in particular. We began the day in very great poverty, as only 7s. had come in since the day before yesterday. There was not one ray of light as to natural prospects. The heart would be overwhelmed, at such seasons, were there not an abundance of repose to be found by trusting in G.o.d. The trial having continued so long, and our poverty having now come to such a degree, that it was necessary we should have help, in order that the name of the Lord might not be dishonoured, I had proposed to my fellow-labourers that we should set apart this day especially for prayer. We met accordingly at half-past ten in the morning. By that time had come in 4s. 6d., 7s. 6d., and 10s. In the afternoon we met again at three, when 10s. came in. In the evening at seven we met once more, there being yet about three s.h.i.+llings needed, to provide all that was required. This also we received, and even 3s. more than was actually needed came in, just when we were about to separate.
Today we were also very poor with reference to our own personal necessities. In the morning we had only 2 1/2d. left, when
March 23. This afternoon, when we had no money at all of our own, a brother gave us 3s. for ourselves.
March 25. During the last four days we received 6l. 12s. 2d. for the Orphans. This morning, when we were now again without any thing, a parcel arrived from Clapham, containing 1l. 10s., with a frock, a chemise, 2 petticoats, 2 pinafores, and 2 handkerchiefs (all new).
About the same time was sent a post-office order from Bath for 2l.
This is no small deliverance. The need has been so great during this week that the matrons, in order that there might be no lack in the way of provisions for the children, have been unable to order even half-a-ton of coals at once, and have been obliged to buy them in very small quant.i.ties.
When again we had only 6d. Left for our own personal necessities, I received 9s.
March 26. We are helped to the close of one more week with reference to our own personal necessities. During this week we have had several times not one single penny for ourselves; yet during this week also we have had all that was needed in the way of nouris.h.i.+ng food, etc., and we have 3d. left.
March 30. From the 25th up to this day we were poor, with reference to the Orphans but the Lord helped us. This morning a brother from Devons.h.i.+re came to stay for a few days with me. He gave me two sovereigns for the Orphans, and told me the following facts in connexion with them. Last year he portioned out a piece of ground, for the benefit of the Orphans. Having done so, all the members of the family were gathered together, and he asked with them the Lord?s blessing upon the crop that was to be planted. This prayer was often repeated afterwards, while the crop was known to belong to the Orphans; and the ground yielded a good crop. The potatoes were to have been sent, but it was considered better to sell them for the benefit of the Orphans, and now this brother brought the produce.
These two sovereigns came in most seasonably, as they were only just in time to supply the dinner and other necessaries of this day; for when I came with the brother from the railway station to my house, I found an Orphan boy waiting for money, and I had nothing in hand.
This evening I received still further from a sister 1l. 1s. 5 1/2d.
This morning we had not one single halfpenny left for our own necessities, when two brethren arrived to stay with us for some days, the one from Somersets.h.i.+re and the other from the North of Devon. The brother from the North of Devon brought 12s. for my own use from Barnstaple, and also gave 1l. to my dear wife this afternoon for our own need. Thus we were again supplied. My mind has been quite in peace on account of our own need, and the only inconvenience that we had in this case was, that our dinner was about half an hour later than usual. Such a thing, as far as I remember, scarcely ever occurred before, and has never occurred since; but suppose it had, it is well, in some little measure, to know from one?s own experience the meaning of that word, "I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: everywhere and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need." Philip iv. 12.
March 31. This afternoon 5s. came in from Bath, and from a sister in the Lord in one of the Northern counties 5l. for the Orphans and 15l.
for the other objects; and through the same donor l2s. This money arrived when there was again only 5s. in hand for the Orphans, which had come in this afternoon, and when there was particular need of means, as many pairs of shoes needed to be mended, and other extra expenses were to be met. When this money came, there was also great need of fresh supplies for the Day-Schools, on account of which this donation was a precious help from the Lord.
April 2. We received 1l. 19s. 6d. for the Orphans.
April 4. When again our little stock had been exhausted, the Lord was pleased to send in yesterday 5l. through a sister of Bristol; also by sale of articles 10s., and by Reports 5s. Today came in from Kensington 1l.
April 6. As only 3s. more had come in yesterday, the money was now again all gone, when this evening was sent from a distance a post office order for 2l.
April 8. This afternoon, when again much money was needed, we received from Plymouth 1l., and from a donor in Bristol 1l.
April 9. Sat.u.r.day. Only 1s. 6d. had come in since yesterday afternoon. We needed more money than there was in hand, especially as it was Sat.u.r.day, but the Lord was pleased particularly to try our faith. In the course of the morning came from some sisters in Dublin, 18 yards of calico, 34 yards of print, 43 b.a.l.l.s of cotton, and a pair of worn lady?s boots. This donation came most seasonably, as we had been mentioning repeatedly the need of calico and print in our prayers; and the sewing cotton and the pair of boots came at once into use. Moreover, this donation was a sweet encouragement to me to continue waiting upon the Lord. Evening was now approaching, and no money had yet come in for provisions, etc., which would be needed on the Lord?s day. About six o?clock, I gave myself once more to prayer with my wife, and requested the Lord in my prayer that if the sister, who in love to Him has taken upon her the service of disposing of the articles which are given for sale, had any money in hand, He would be pleased to incline her heart to bring or send the money this evening.
After this I sat down peacefully to read the Scriptures, being a.s.sured that this time also the Lord would stretch out His hand on our behalf. About half-past seven o?clock the sister to whom reference has just now been made, came and brought 1l. 10s. 4d., for articles which she had sold, stating that though she was unwell, yet she felt herself constrained not to delay bringing this money. Thus we had all that was needed, and 6s. more. When I arrived with the money at the Infant-Orphan-House, about eight o?clock, I found my fellow labourers in prayer, and while we still continued in prayer a sister sent a large basket of stale bread, being five brown loaves, seven bread cakes, and five French loaves.
April 11. It is this day six years since the first children were taken in, and, as usual, we are poor this day also; for only l3s. 10 1/2d. has come in since Sat.u.r.day evening.
April 12. We were never in greater need than today, perhaps never in so much, when I received this morning 100l. from the East Indies. It is impossible to describe the real joy in G.o.d it gave me. My prayer had been again this morning particularly, that our Father would pity us, and now at last send larger sums. I was not in the least surprised or excited when this donation came, for I took it as that which came in answer to prayer, and had been long looked for. As it was left to me to use the money as might be most needed, I took one half of it for the Orphan Fund, and the other half for the other funds. We have thus also an answer to our prayer for oatmeal, new shoes, and for means to enable us to have the old shoes mended, means for replenis.h.i.+ng somewhat our stores, money for some articles of clothing for the children, and also a little money for the sisters who labour in the Orphan-Houses. How precious to look to the Lord! I was always sure that He would at last send larger sums, therefore had my heart been kept in peace, though my faith had never been more tried than during the last months.
April 14. There was half-a-sovereign taken out of the box at the Boys?-Orphan-House this morning. This afternoon three individuals called on me. One of them gave 6l., 3 collars, and 2 veils, and brought likewise 3 gold rings. Another of them gave me 2s. 6d. After they had left I found in my room on the mantelpiece in a paper 2 sovereigns for my own personal expenses, and in three papers 3 sovereigns for the three Orphan-Houses, and also a fourpenny piece on the floor.
April 30. As since the 14th only little more than 16l. had come in, there was again this day not quite enough in hand to supply all that was needed. However, the Lord sent from Clapham a parcel which contained 10s., 2 frocks, 2 pinafores, 2 handkerchiefs, 2 nightcaps, and 2 pieces of list.
May 1. Today was given by a brother a gold watch with a small gold chain and key. The gift was accompanied by the following note to me:
"Beloved Brother,
"A pilgrim does not want such a watch as this to make him happy; one of an inferior kind will do to show him how swiftly his time flies, and how fast he is hastening on to that Canaan where time will be no more: so that it is for you to do with this what seemeth good to you.
It is the last relic of earthly vanity, and, while I am in the body, may I be kept from all idolatry.
"Your affectionate brother,
May 2. There was now again no money in hand, not even the few s.h.i.+llings which were required to take in the milk tomorrow morning, when a sister gave a sovereign to brother R. B. for the Orphans, whereby we are helped.
May 6. Only 3l. 10s. 2 1/2d. had been received since the 2nd, on which account there would have been only enough means in hand to provide for the breakfast tomorrow morning, when in this our fresh need 80l. was sent by the same brother who has been spoken of under "June 4, 1841," in the details respecting the other funds; and also 6l. from Great Malvern. The half of this 80l. was put to the Orphan Fund, and the other half to the other funds: the donation from Great Malvern was put to the fund for the other objects. There arrived at the same time from the East Indies by post a small parcel, containing 2 pairs of gold ear-rings, a brooch, and 2 rupees. These donations came especially in season, as they enable me to give supplies to the brethren and sisters who labour in the Day Schools and Orphan-Houses for their own personal necessities, besides meeting the wants in other respects.
May 10. 6l. l5s. 10d. more has come in since the 6th. Today, in closing the accounts, we have left at the end of this period of seventeen months, in which we have been so often penniless, the sum of 16l. 18s. 10 1/2d. for the Orphans, and 48l. 12s. 5 1/4d. for the other objects of the Scriptural Knowledge Inst.i.tution.
The time now seemed to us to have come, when, for the profit of the church at large, the Lord?s dealings with us, with reference to the various objects of the Scriptural Knowledge Inst.i.tution, should be made known by publis.h.i.+ng another Report. For, whilst we, on purpose, had delayed it at this time five months longer than during the previous years, and that during a period when we were in deeper poverty than during any previous time; yet, as from the commencement it had appeared to me important, from time to time to make known the Lord?s dealings with us, so I judged it profitable still, to seek to comfort, to encourage, to exhort, to instruct, and to warn the dear children of G.o.d by the printed accounts of the Lord?s goodness to us.
The following are a few additional remarks with reference to the period of the seventeen months previous to May 10, 1842.
1. Though our trials of faith during these seventeen months lasted longer, and were sharper than during any previous period, yet during all this time the Orphans had every thing that was needful in the way of nouris.h.i.+ng food, the necessary articles of clothing, etc. Indeed I should rather at once send the children back to their relations than keep them without sufficient maintenance.
2. I desire that all the children of G.o.d who may read these details may thereby be led to increased and more simple confidence in G.o.d for every thing which they may need under any circ.u.mstances, and that these many answers to prayer may encourage them to pray, particularly as it regards the conversion of their friends and relations, their own progress in grace and knowledge, the state of the saints whom they may know personally, the state of the church of Christ at large, and the success of the preaching of the Gospel. Especially I affectionately warn them against being led away by the device of Satan, to think that these things are peculiar to me, and cannot be enjoyed by all the children of G.o.d; for though, as has been stated before, every believer is not called upon to establish Orphan-Houses, Charity Schools, etc., and trust in the Lord for means, yet all believers are called upon, in the simple confidence of faith, to cast all their burdens upon Him, to trust in him for every thing, and not only to make every thing a subject of prayer, but to expect answers to their pet.i.tions which they have asked according to His will, and in the name of the Lord Jesus.--Think not, dear reader, that I have the gift of faith, that is, that gift of which we read in 1 Cor. xii.
9, and which is mentioned along with "the gifts of healing," "the working of miracles," "prophecy," and that on that account I am able to trust in the Lord. It is true that the faith, which I am enabled to exercise, is altogether G.o.d?s own gift; it is true that He alone supports it, and that He alone can increase it; it is true that, moment by moment, I depend upon Him for it, and that, if I were only one moment left to myself, my faith would utterly fail; but it is not true that my faith is that gift of faith which is spoken of in 1 Cor.
xii. 9, for the following reasons.
1, The faith which I am enabled to exercise with reference to the Orphan-Houses and my own temporal necessities, is not that "faith" of which it is said in 1 Cor. xiii. 2 (evidently in allusion to the faith spoken of in 1 Cor. xii. 9), "Though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity (love), I am nothing"; but it is the self-same faith which is found in every believer, and the growth of which I am most sensible of to myself; for, by little and little, it has been increasing for the last fifty-six years.
2, This faith which is exercised respecting the Orphan-Houses and my own temporal necessities, shows itself in the same measure, for instance, concerning the following points: I have never been permitted to doubt during the last fifty-six years that my sins are forgiven, that I am a child of G.o.d, that I am beloved of G.o.d, and that I shall be finally saved; because I am enabled, by the grace of G.o.d, to exercise faith upon the word of G.o.d, and believe what G.o.d says in those pa.s.sages which settle these matters (1 John v. 1-Gal.
iii. 26-Acts x. 43-Romans x. 9, 10-John iii. 16, etc.)--Further, at the time when I thought I should be insane (though there was not the least ground for thinking so), as recorded on pages 209, 210, and 223, I was in peace, quite in peace; because my soul believed the truth of that word, "We know that all things work together for good to them that love G.o.d." Rom. viii. 28.--Further, When my brother in the flesh, and my dear aged father died, and when concerning both of them I had no evidence whatever that they were saved (though I dare not say that they are lost, for I know it not); yet my soul was at peace, perfectly at peace, under this great trial, this exceedingly great trial, this trial which is one of the greatest perhaps which can befall a believer. And what was it that gave me peace? My soul laid hold on that word, "Shall not the judge of all the earth do right!" This word, together with the whole character of G.o.d, as He has revealed Himself in His holy word, settled all questionings. I believed what He has said concerning Himself, and I was at peace, and have been at peace ever since, concerning this matter.--Further, When the Lord took from me a beloved infant, my soul was at peace, perfectly at peace; I could only weep tears of joy when I did weep.