Chapter 83
CHREMYLUS. Of battles.
CARIO. Of figs.
CHREMYLUS. Of ambition.
CARIO. Of gruel.
CHREMYLUS. Of military advancement.
CARIO. Of lentils.[755]
CHREMYLUS. But of you they never tire. Has a man got thirteen talents, he has all the greater ardour to possess sixteen; is that wish achieved, he will want forty or will complain that he knows not how to make the two ends meet.
PLUTUS. All this, methinks, is very true; there is but one point that makes me feel a bit uneasy.
CHREMYLUS. And that is?
PLUTUS. How could I use this power, which you say I have?
CHREMYLUS. Ah! they were quite right who said, there's nothing more timorous than Plutus.
PLUTUS. No, no; it was a thief who calumniated me. Having broken into a house, he found everything locked up and could take nothing, so he dubbed my prudence fear.
CHREMYLUS. Don't be disturbed; if you support me zealously, I'll make you more sharp-sighted than Lynceus.[756]
PLUTUS. And how should you be able to do that, you, who are but a mortal?
CHREMYLUS. I have great hope, after the answer Apollo gave me, shaking his sacred laurels the while.
PLUTUS. Is _he_ in the plot then?
CHREMYLUS. Aye, truly.
PLUTUS. Take care what you say.
CHREMYLUS. Never fear, friend; for, be well a.s.sured, that if it has to cost me my life, I will carry out what I have in my head.
CARIO. And I will help you, if you permit it.
CHREMYLUS. We shall have many other helpers as well--all the worthy folk who are wanting for bread.
PLUTUS. Ah! ha! they'll prove sorry helpers.
CHREMYLUS. No, not so, once they've grown rich. But you, Cario, run quick...
CARIO. Where?
CHREMYLUS.... to call my comrades, the other husbandmen, that each of them may come here to take his share of the gifts of Plutus.
CARIO. I'm off. But let someone come from the house to take this morsel of meat.[757]
CHREMYLUS. I'll see to that; you run your hardest. As for you, Plutus, the most excellent of all the G.o.ds, come in here with me; this is the house you must fill with riches today, by fair means or foul.[758]
PLUTUS. I don't like at all going into other folks' houses in this manner; I have never got any good from it. If I got inside a miser's house, straightway he would bury me deep underground; if some honest fellow among his friends came to ask him for the smallest coin, he
CHREMYLUS. That's because you have never met a man who knew how to avoid the two extremes; moderation is the strong point in my character. I love saving as much as anybody, and I know how to spend, when 'tis needed. But let us go in; I want to make you known to my wife and to my only son, whom I love most of all after yourself.
PLUTUS. Aye, after myself, I'm very sure of that.
CHREMYLUS. Why should I hide the truth from you?
CARIO. Come, you active workers, who, like my master, eat nothing but garlic and the poorest food, you who are his friends and his neighbours, hasten your steps, hurry yourselves; there's not a moment to lose; this is the critical hour, when your presence and your support is needed by him.
CHORUS. Why, don't you see we are speeding as fast as men can, who are already enfeebled by age? But do you deem it fitting to make us run like this before ever telling us why your master has called us?
CARIO. I've grown hoa.r.s.e with the telling, but you won't listen. My master is going to drag you all out of the stupid, sapless life you are leading and ensure you one full of all delights.
CHORUS. And how is he going to manage that?
CARIO. My poor friends, he has brought with him a disgusting old fellow, all bent and wrinkled, with a most pitiful appearance, bald and toothless; upon my word, I even believe he is circ.u.mcised like some vile barbarian.
CHORUS. These are news worth their weight in gold! What are you saying?
Repeat it to me; no doubt it means he is bringing back a heap of wealth.
CARIO. No, but a heap of all the infirmities attendant on old age.
CHORUS. If you are tricking us, you shall pay us for it. Beware of our sticks!
CARIO. Do you deem me so brazen as all that, and my words mere lies?
CHORUS. What serious airs the rascal puts on! Look! his legs are already shrieking, "oh! oh!" they are asking for the shackles and wedges.
CARIO. 'Tis in the tomb that 'tis your lot to judge. Why don't you go there? Charon has given you your ticket.[759]
CHORUS. Plague take you! you cursed rascal, who rail at us and have not even the heart to tell us why your master has made us come. We were pressed for time and tired out, yet we came with all haste, and in our hurry we have pa.s.sed by lots of wild onions without even gathering them.
CARIO. I will no longer conceal the truth from you. Friends, 'tis Plutus whom my master brings, Plutus, who will give you riches.
CHORUS. What! we shall really all become rich!
CARIO. Aye, certainly; you will then be Midases, provided you grow a.s.s's ears.
CHORUS. What joy, what happiness! If what you tell me is true, I long to dance with delight.
CARIO. And I too, threttanello![760] I want to imitate Cyclops and lead your troop by stamping like this.[761] Do you, my dear little ones, cry, aye, cry again and bleat forth the plaintive song of the sheep and of the stinking goats; follow me with erected organs like lascivious goats ready for action.
CHORUS. As for us, threttanello! we will seek you, dear Cyclops, bleating, and if we find you with your wallet full of fresh herbs, all disgusting in your filth, sodden with wine and sleeping in the midst of your sheep, we will seize a great flaming stake and burn out your eye.[762]