Chapter 42
(Fairies threaten Peers with their wands. Peers kneel as begging for merry. Phyllis implores Strephon to relent. He casts her from him, and she falls fainting into the arms of Lord Mountararat and Lord Tolloller.)
END OF ACT I
ACT II
Scene.--Palace Yard, Westminster. Westminster Hall, L. Clock tower up, R.C. Private Willis discovered on sentry, R. Moonlight.
SONG--PRIVATE WILLIS.
When all night long a chap remains On sentry-go, to chase monotony He exercises of his brains, That is, a.s.suming that he's got any.
Though never nurtured in the lap Of luxury, yet I admonish you, I am an intellectual chap, And think of things that would astonish you.
I often think it's comical--Fal, lal, la!
How Nature always does contrive--Fal, lal, la!
That every boy and every gal That's born into the world alive Is either a little Liberal Or else a little Conservative!
Fal, lal, la!
When in that House M.P.'s divide, If they've a brain and cerebellum, too, They've got to leave that brain outside, And vote just as their leaders tell 'em to.
But then the prospect of a lot Of dull M. P.'s in close proximity, All thinking for themselves, is what No man can face with equanimity.
Then let's rejoice with loud Fal la--Fal la la!
That Nature always does contrive--Fal lal la!
That every boy and every gal That's born into the world alive Is either a little Liberal Or else a little Conservative!
Fal lal la!
(Enter Fairies, with Celia, Leila, and Fleta. They trip round stage.)
CHORUS OF FAIRIES.
Strephon's a Member of Parliament!
Carries every Bill he chooses.
To his measures all a.s.sent-- Showing that fairies have their uses.
Whigs and Tories Dim their glories, Giving an ear to all his stories-- Lords and Commons are both in the blues!
Strephon makes them shake in their shoes!
Shake in their shoes!
Shake in their shoes!
Strephon makes them shake in their shoes!
(Enter Peers from Westminster Hall.)
CHORUS OF PEERS.
Strephon's a Member of Parliament!
Running a-muck of all abuses.
His unqualified a.s.sent Somehow n.o.body now refuses.
Whigs and Tories Dim their glories, Giving an ear to all his stories Carrying every Bill he may wish: Here's a pretty kettle of fis.h.!.+
Kettle of
Kettle of fis.h.!.+
Here's a pretty kettle of fis.h.!.+
(Enter Lord Mountararat and Lord Tolloller from Westminster Hall.)
CELIA. You seem annoyed.
LORD MOUNT. Annoyed! I should think so! Why, this ridiculous protege of yours is playing the deuce with everything!
To-night is the second reading of his Bill to throw the Peerage open to Compet.i.tive Examination!
LORD TOLL. And he'll carry it, too!
LORD MOUNT. Carry it? Of course he will! He's a Parliamentary Pickford--he carries everything!
LEILA. Yes. If you please, that's our fault!
LORD MOUNT. The deuce it is!
CELIA. Yes; we influence the members, and compel them to vote just as he wishes them to.
LEILA. It's our system. It shortens the debates.
LORD TOLL. Well, but think what it all means. I don't so much mind for myself, but with a House of Peers with no grandfathers worth mentioning, the country must go to the dogs!
LEILA. I suppose it must!
LORD MOUNT. I don't want to say a word against brains--I've a great respect for brains--I often wish I had some myself--but with a House of Peers composed exclusively of people of intellect, what's to become of the House of Commons?
LEILA. I never thought of that!
LORD MOUNT. This comes of women interfering in politics. It so happens that if there is an inst.i.tution in Great Britain which is not susceptible of any improvement at all, it is the House of Peers!
SONG--LORD MOUNTARARAT.
When Britain really ruled the waves-- (In good Queen Bess's time) The House of Peers made no pretence To intellectual eminence, Or scholars.h.i.+p sublime; Yet Britain won her proudest bays In good Queen Bess's glorious days!
CHORUS. Yes, Britain won, etc.
When Wellington thrashed Bonaparte, As every child can tell, The House of Peers, throughout the war, Did nothing in particular, And did it very well: Yet Britain set the world ablaze In good King George's glorious days!
CHORUS. Yes, Britain set, etc.
And while the House of Peers withholds Its legislative hand, And n.o.ble statesmen do not itch To interfere with matters which They do not understand, As bright will s.h.i.+ne Great Britain's rays As in King George's glorious days!
CHORUS. As bright will s.h.i.+ne, etc.
LEILA. (who has been much attracted by the Peers during this song). Charming persons, are they not?
CELIA. Distinctly. For self-contained dignity, combined with airy condescension, give me a British Representative Peer!
LORD TOLL. Then pray stop this protege of yours before it's too late. Think of the mischief you're doing!
LEILA (crying). But we can't stop him now. (Aside to Celia.) Aren't they lovely! (Aloud.) Oh, why did you go and defy us, you great geese!
DUET--LEILA and CELIA.
LEILA. In vain to us you plead-- Don't go!
Your prayers we do not heed-- Don't go!
It's true we sigh, But don't suppose A tearful eye Forgiveness shows.
Oh, no!
We're very cross indeed-- Yes, very cross, Don't go!
FAIRIES. It's true we sigh, etc.