Chapter 39
'Tis writ in heaven by the bright barbed dart that leaps forth into lurid light from each grim thundercloud. The very rain pours forth her sad and sodden sympathy! When chorused Nature bids me take my love, shall I reply, "Nay, but a certain Chancellor forbids it"?
Sir, you are England's Lord High Chancellor, but are you Chancellor of birds and trees, King of the winds and Prince of thunderclouds?
LORD CH. No. It's a nice point. I don't know that I ever met it before. But my difficulty is that at present there's no evidence before the Court that chorused Nature has interested herself in the matter.
STREPH. No evidence! You have my word for it. I tell you that she bade me take my love.
LORD CH. Ah! but, my good sir, you mustn't tell us what she told you--it's not evidence. Now an affidavit from a thunderstorm, or a few words on oath from a heavy shower, would meet with all the attention they deserve.
STREPH. And have you the heart to apply the prosaic rules of evidence to a case which bubbles over with poetical emotion?
LORD CH. Distinctly. I have always kept my duty strictly before my eyes, and it is to that fact that I owe my advancement to my present distinguished position.
SONG--LORD CHANCELLOR.
When I went to the Bar as a very young man, (Said I to myself--said I), I'll work on a new and original plan, (Said I to myself--said I), I'll never a.s.sume that a rogue or a thief Is a gentleman worthy implicit belief, Because his attorney has sent me a brief, (Said I to myself--said I!).
Ere I go into court I will read my brief through (Said I to myself--said I), And I'll never take work I'm unable to do (Said I to myself-said I), My learned profession I'll never disgrace By taking a fee with a grin on my face, When I haven't been there to attend to the case (Said I to myself--said I!).
I'll never throw dust in a juryman's eyes (Said I to myself--said I), Or hoodwink a judge who is not over-wise (Said I to myself--said I), Or a.s.sume that the witnesses summoned in force In Exchequer, Queen's Bench, Common Pleas, or Divorce, Have perjured themselves as a matter of course (Said I to myself--said I!).
In other professions in which men engage (Said I to myself said I), The Army, the Navy, the Church, and the Stage (Said I to myself--said
(Exit Lord Chancellor.)
(Enter Iolanthe)
STREPH. Oh, Phyllis, Phyllis! To be taken from you just as I was on the point of making you my own! Oh, it's too much--it's too much!
IOL. (to Strephon, who is in tears). My son in tears--and on his wedding day!
STREPH. My wedding day! Oh, mother, weep with me, for the Law has interposed between us, and the Lord Chancellor has separated us for ever!
IOL. The Lord Chancellor! (Aside.) Oh, if he did but know!
STREPH. (overhearing her). If he did but know what?
IOL. No matter! The Lord Chancellor has no power over you.
Remember you are half a fairy. You can defy him--down to the waist.
STREPH. Yes, but from the waist downwards he can commit me to prison for years! Of what avail is it that my body is free, if my legs are working out seven years' penal servitude?
IOL. True. But take heart--our Queen has promised you her special protection. I'll go to her and lay your peculiar case before her.
STREPH. My beloved mother! how can I repay the debt I owe you?
FINALE--QUARTET.
(As it commences, the Peers appear at the back, advancing unseen and on tiptoe. Lord Mountararat and Lord Tolloller lead Phyllis between them, who listens in horror to what she hears.)
STREPH. (to Iolanthe). When darkly looms the day, And all is dull and grey, To chase the gloom away, On thee I'll call!
PHYL. (speaking aside to Lord Mountararat). What was that?
LORD MOUNT. (aside to Phyllis).
I think I heard him say, That on a rainy day, To while the time away, On her he'd call!
CHORUS. We think we heard him say, etc.
(Phyllis much agitated at her lover's supposed faithlessness.)
IOL. (to Strephon). When tempests wreck thy bark, And all is drear and dark, If thou shouldst need an Ark, I'll give thee one!
PHYL. (speaking aside to Lord Tolloller). What was that?
LORD TOLL. (aside to Phyllis).
I heard the minx remark, She'd meet him after dark, Inside St James's Park, And give him one!
CHORUS. We heard the minx remark, etc.
PHYL. The prospect's very bad.
My heart so sore and sad Will never more be glad As summer's sun.
PHYL., IOL., LORD TOLL., STREPH.
The prospect's not so bad, My/Thy heart so sore and sad May very soon be glad As summer's sun;
PHYL., IOL., LORD TOLL., STEPH., LORD MOUNT.
For when the sky is dark And tempests wreck his/thy/my bark, he should If thou shouldst need an Ark, I should She'll him I'll give thee one!
me
PHYL. (revealing herself). Ah!
(Iolanthe and Strephon much confused.)
PHYL. Oh, shameless one, tremble!
Nay, do not endeavour Thy fault to dissemble, We part--and for ever!
I wors.h.i.+pped him blindly, He wors.h.i.+ps another--
STREPH. Attend to me kindly, This lady's my mother!
TOLL. This lady's his what?
STREPH. This lady's my mother!
TENORS. This lady's his what?
Ba.s.sES. He says she's his mother!
(They point derisively to Iolanthe, laughing heartily at her. She goes for protection to Strephon.)
(Enter Lord Chancellor. Iolanthe veils herself.)
LORD CH. What means this mirth unseemly, That shakes the listening earth?
LORD TOLL. The joke is good extremely, And justifies our mirth.
LORD MOUNT. This gentleman is seen, With a maid of seventeen, A-taking of his dolce far niente; And wonders he'd achieve, For he asks us to believe She's his mother--and he's nearly five-and-twenty!
LORD CH. (sternly). Recollect yourself, I pray, And be careful what you say-- As the ancient Romans said, festina lente.
For I really do not see How so young a girl could be The mother of a man of five-and-twenty.
ALL. Ha! ha! ha! ha! ha!
STREPH. My Lord, of evidence I have no dearth-- She is--has been--my mother from my birth!
BALLAD.