Chapter 13
a guy who completely understood the cringey ness of this whole series.
Edited by me, yours dearly, the idiot who writes this cringey stuff.
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I woke up in the morning with the most angry mind ever. So angry, I could s.n.a.t.c.h thousands of ice-creams from young children and eat 'em up at once. So angry, I could go alpha and watch loli hentai in front of the police like a boss. Even the G.o.d of war Ares will s.h.i.+ver and bow before me. Because... Because....
THERE'S AN ALARM CLOCK IN MY ROOM. WTF?? I NEVER HAD AN ALARM CLOCK IN MY ROOM!! I HAVE THE FRIGGING G.o.d LIKE POWER TO WAKE UP AT WILL!! HOW THE f.u.c.k DID THAT CLOCK DARE TO RING AND WAKE ME UP IN THE MORNING!!!
(15 minutes of pointless anger...)
After beating up the body-pillow... I feel great now. But, I think, I Should've done some bondage to the pillow instead. Actually... no. That'd not be an good idea. Wait... sadism was never a part of my cod-... yeah right... I think that d.i.c.kless 'Author-san' has jumbled up things again... pfft, idc.
I walked down the stairs and head into the washroom. Brus.h.i.+ng my teeth... cutting my... my... WHEN THE f.u.c.k DID I GREW BEARD?!?! pfft, idc. I got out, took a p.i.s.s and headed up stairs to my room. Put the suit on, wear the tie and readied my briefcase.
I headed down and went to have my breakfast. Dad was coming in from the living room, sitting on a wheelchair. d.a.m.n... how fast they grow old...
He sat on the dining table and my... and my... wife... served the breakfast... pfft, idc.
I had my breakfast, took my briefcase and ran off for the office. I reached the train station and took my position. Right in front of the train door I was standing, hands on the floor, hips up, chin down.
ON YOUR MARKS!! GET SET!! GO!!!
Just as the doors opened, I charged in. I took a second of glance and found a vacant seat on my left. I dashed to the seat but, a granny was incoming 12o' clock towards the seat. I dived for the seat.
SAVE!!!
Take that!! HOMERUN!! I got to sit on the seat.
After quite a ride and walking, I entered the office. I sat on my work desk and took a 2min of meditation.
"Kuruzawa senpai." A colleague of mine handed me an envelope, today's workload that is.
I took the envelope and pulled out the paper which was today's script.
Let's see...
7:00am I go to the school.
8:30am I see the most beautiful girl in the school. Big oppais, beautiful hair, dazzling expressions, red lips and everything the love interest of the MC needs. WOAH, WOAH WOAH, mine's an all boys' school, where the h.e.l.l did the girl came from?
After the school's over, a girl is waiting for me at a cafè for date.
After that, I go out with Nouta in the afternoon and find my brother getting beaten up by some college boys beside the river.
It appears that, my brother was out with his harem and a bunch of guy a.s.saulted him to teach a lesson because, Kakes.h.i.+ insulted them before.
I head into the brawl, save his a.s.s and the girls fall for me. Kakes.h.i.+ accepts me as his superior and vows to be my sidekick.
In the night I have another date with the tsundere president of the student council. After the dinner we head to a hotel and get laid and I take the... virgininty... of the... cold hearted president...
WHO WROTE THIS s.h.i.+T OF SCRIPT? I AM NOT GOING TO DO THIS. Author-san what happened to you?
"I'm fine as ever... you know... s.h.i.+tty exams, family dilemma, stress, hentai, responsibilities and all s.h.i.+t..."(Author)
After banging her I head back home and find the MILF next door in maid costume saying, "Your family's out today, they put me in charge to take care of you, so would you like dinner... or me?" And I get a b.o.n.e.r as big as Burj Al-Khalifa.
"Hey! hey! hey! When the h.e.l.l did I start to get b.o.n.e.rs from maids?"(Takeo)
"I changed a few stuff in your internals because you were filled with bad s.h.i.+t."(Author)
"I WAS HAPPY WITH THAT s.h.i.+T, THIS IS TOO MUCH!!"(Takeo)
"Oh well... I guess I have to change your mind set too..."(Author)
"Oh lord Author-sama, oh G.o.d of the existence, oh ruler of the cosmos, king of the harems, mountain p.e.n.i.s, please, I take back everything I've said. No thesis could be more divine than the one you've implanted in me. This script is the Rhapsody of G.o.d."(Takeo)
"See, Humans are adaptive to every situation. They can turn at any second."(Author)
"But what's with the sudden change? Why are you churning things up now?"(Takeo)
"Oh forgot to mention, I'm the new G.o.d around
"So, from now are you the one in charge?"(Takeo)
"Yes b.i.t.c.h, you're mah doug."(Neo-Author)
"Nigh! (x3)"(Takeo)
"f.u.c.k you."(Takeo)
"GAY!!"(Neo-Author)
"You made me."(Takeo)
"Dude, I have no wife and a proud virgin."(Takeo)
"What?"
"What, what?"
"I dunno."
"What are you talking about?"
"Nothing, you?"
"Nothing."
"What?"
"Yes."
"Who's dialogue is this?"
"Dunno, who's this?"
"This is f.u.c.ked up."
"No, you're f.u.c.ked up."
"AHHHHHHH!!!!"
"YEAHHHHH!!!!!"
Let's start things over, shall we?
I woke up, took a p.i.s.s, had breakfast and headed out. I can't believe I'm working with this sonnouva b.i.t.c.h.
"Well, about your personali-"(Neo-Author)
"Oh G.o.d, oh lord-"(Takeo)
"Yeah, yeah quit your preaching..."(Neo-Author)
I took my sit and there she goes... the girl mentioned in the script. Hold on, we still doing that s.h.i.+t?
"Nope."(Neo-Author)
Thank G.o.d, I don't know what'll happen after banging the MILF. The police will get me. They are such a misused form of law... the police. Their very existence is evil...
"Stop right there b.i.t.c.h, if you get philosophical then I'll change your character."(Neo-Author)
"But that'll result in false advertising."(Takeo)
"Not happening on my watch b.i.t.c.h."(Neo-Author)
"I just wonder why the f.u.c.k did the previous author left this to you, he was much better."(Takeo)
"And I wonder why do the original authors, while they are still alive hand the copyright to their franchise to others that they can ruin up the series by making pointless adaptations."(Neo-Author)
"Look who's talking."(Takeo)
"Shuddup, I know my s.h.i.+t."(Neo-Author)
"Netflix's Death Note anyone?"(Takeo)
"Now, continue."(Neo-Author)
"How the f.u.c.k will I do that after c.o.c.k blocking my philosophical thoughts? And for the record, who are you?"(Takeo)
"I'm the author."Neo-Author)
"No, you."(Takeo)
"G.o.d."(Neo-Author)
"Ahh dang it, the real you, the real f.u.c.king you."(Takeo)
"You wish to know my ident.i.ty?" (Neo-Author)
"Yes."(Takeo)
"My secrets?"(Neo-Author)
"Yeah."(Takeo)
"Do you vow that you won't disclose the secret and evil take reign of the opportunity?"(Neo-Author)
"I vow on the G.o.d of big oppais and swear I will not let evil peril this secret and bring annihilation to good."(Takeo)
"Well then..."(Neo-Author)
I kept waiting firmly, eager to hear his answer.
"I'm... BATMAN."(Author)
"FUUUUUUUUUUUCK."(Takeo)
I am not working with this guy.
"Oh previous author, wherever you are, heed my voice, come back, ohh please have mercy." (Takeo)
"He ain't coming."(Neo-Author)
"Why?"(Takeo)
"Well... you know it's good to keep a M1911 handgun along with you. It keeps you safe, it's also good to blast holes in a person.".(Neo-Author)
"OH G.o.d, NOO! PLEASE G.o.d, NO!!! NO! NO NO!!"(Takeo)
"Quit your whining. You have a job to do..."(Neo-Author)
"I ain't doing s.h.i.+t."(Takeo)
"About your perso-"(Neo-Author)
*Before he could finish his line.*
We did our cla.s.s and the lunch break started. I bought some burger and sat in a corner. Feels too much that the plot's gonna add some new s.h.i.+t.
A bit while later the before mentioned girl sat with me. Nice move. We had lunch together and talked a lot. I got a look on all sorts of cleavage to nip-slips. She's rich as bling and wears cash instead of bra. She was very friendly and I can say that she has an interest in me. I kept it that way. We got out together after school and spent time together. I must be some alpha to go out with a rich chick like her.
"*Cough* *Cough*"(Neo-Author)
Though we aren't gf-bf we had a great time together. She wasn't even a bit concerned with our relation. She's a very open minded person. I returned home and released my 'stress'. Thanks to Author-sama for that.
"Wait till what you see later."(Neo-Author)
I came to my room and checked the phone. I had an email. It was her. She requested to go out with me... tomorrow... on holiday.
"You time skipping again?"(Takeo)
"So... no date?"(Neo-Author)
"Oh G.o.d, oh-"(Takeo)
"Yeah, yeah."(Neo-Author)
We chatted until 11 pm. We got to know each other very good and had a lot of things in common. I think I have a crush on her. d.a.m.n I can't stay away from her. I think, it won't take much time till our relations.h.i.+p turns more deep. And then, I can finally show off and see the face of my jealous friends. I crashed in bed and prayed to Author-sama.
"Oh, thank you Author-sama."(Takeo)
"Pfft..."(Neo-Author)
That's just how things are... the more bad they are the more good they give. It's called a equivalent exchange.
I heard it from some shorty who was 40% metal and was jealous of his brother. But he was short sighted, for equivalent exchange is not only limited to physics and quant.i.ty. Everything, no matter how bad has a purpose good enough as the bad one. The only thing is, the way to use it differs from person to person. So in reality, that quality isn't bad but just that, it isn't meant for you. And that also means that death in fact has a same opposite good side. Like, heaven. Yup the s.h.i.+t G.o.ds spout about. It's basically a business offer, luring you and promising you something good for exchange. What I mean to say is, people from church tell you to join their missionary and promise that in exchange G.o.d will you give you heaven filled with huge oppaied women. It's same as, "Deposit your cash here and get a 10% interest." yes... heaven is nothing more than a business scheme... sorry that you got lured into that s.h.i.+t.
But in reality, there is a heaven. Though it's far more beyond reach of human understanding that I don't want to explain and also that Author-san's looking at me with an angry face.
"Sorry."Takeo)
"Abou-"(Neo-Author)
"Oh"(Takeo)
"Wakata wakata."(Neo-Author)
"Well, then... let me sleep tonight. I can't wait to meet her and progress the story further."(Takeo)
"Ok folks!! and that ends this special chapter. I hope you like it and wish to never see you again."(Neo-Author)
"Wait, you're going to do the next chapter, right?"(Takeo)
"No... b.i.t.c.h!!! *Troll face*. This was an one time offer. Liked it? This is just like when you see a frigging awesome dream and take it as real and then wait for the best part to come. Only to find out later that... IT'S JUST A DREAM!!"(Neo-Author)
"FUUUUUUUCK!!!"(Takeo)
"YEEEEY!!!!!!"(Author)