Chapter 85
"You're still angry with me," I deduced quietly.
"Livid," he bit off, his formal aloof demeanor slipping as he said that two-syllable word in a tone that proved it absolutely true.
Then, unbelievably unfortunately, he spoke on.
I'd felt the edge of his tongue when he spoke without controlling his emotion before doing it.
Each time he'd done this, it had gutted me.
But this time, it destroyed me.
"It would seem I am much like your father, Madeleine, for no matter how I wish to keep you from harm, you consistently find your way into it by making rash decisions that lead to dire consequences."
After he finished, I stared at him hoping he did not just say that.
Or, since he obviously did, that he would immediately take it back.
I'd told him all about my father.
He knew. He freaking knew.
He knew that wasn't right and he knew how his saying that would make me feel.
I stood there, staring at him, and gave it time.
Apollo didn't take it back.
"He didn't wish to keep me from harm," I whispered and I wanted to kick myself because it sounded uncertain and it b.l.o.o.d.y wasn't. Then I pointed out, "When offered the chance, he didn't even try."
"Or he may have been smart enough to know when he should give up."
Now, he did just say that.
He'd said it.
Straight up.
I knew because I felt the blow and when I did, I flinched and put a hand to my belly to soothe the pain that shot through me.
Apollo's face didn't change in the slightest as he witnessed this.
I had f.u.c.ked up. I knew it. I knew it was huge. I admitted it. I apologized for it.
But even as big as it was, an attack this brutal was undeserved.
Completely underserved.
"Attempt to stay safe and not do anything unwise, if you can manage that," he went on, his tone ominously final, and a chill of pure frost slid over my skin, making me s.h.i.+ver. "We will speak further when there's something to say."
I had things to say.
I had tons of things to say.
I didn't get a single thing out.
This was because, for the second time that day, for the fourth time of our acquaintance (yes, I f.u.c.king counted), without another word, after having lowered the boom on me, Apollo turned and walked away.
Chapter Twenty-Six.
Where did you go from there?
"I've seen some serious stuff on this world, and I mean serious. Serious cool. Serious crazy. Serious sick. But this was serious beautiful."
Circe, Finnie, Loretta, Meeta and I were in the sitting room of the dower house and Circe was explaining the procedure of getting her magic back.
Loretta was cuddling and cooing to Circe's drowsy, close-to-a-nap baby daughter, Isis.
Meeta was cuddling (but not cooing) to Finnie's snoozing Viktor.
I was trying to contain a very active Tunahn, Circe's baby boy, a child Circe shared was immune to naps (and sleep on the whole most of the time).
I was listening because it was interesting.
I was also not listening because my heart was bleeding.
It had been two days since I'd f.u.c.ked up huge, Apollo came and took his anger out on me, and I had not seen or heard from him since.
This was not a surprise. It must be said, the man could hold a grudge.
But this time it was worse.
He had a right to be angry.
But the way he expressed that was not okay.
In thinking on it, it occurred to me that it had not been okay the first time he did it. Or the second. And definitely not the last.
I'd run away from Pol so I wasn't his literal whipping post.
I didn't need to be with a man who used me as his verbal one.
I mean, seriously.
Since Apollo
No way.
It wasn't like I'd screwed up and tried to pretend it wasn't a big deal and told him to just get over it. I'd owned up to it straight away.
Then he'd way overreacted.
In fact, I wasn't sure there was any situation where his reaction would be appropriate.
Or, honestly, forgivable.
Since we left Brunskar I'd been feeling more and more like s.h.i.+t because Apollo had so much to offer and I had so little.
I sure as h.e.l.l didn't need him to point that c.r.a.p out.
The good news was, Apollo allowed elan to come have lunch with me yesterday, at her request. This was super sweet and I loved spending time with her because she was super sweet. She was also so exuberant, witnessing her natural delight at pretty much everything was the only time I could forget my growing anger.
The other good news was, Finnie and Circe came and went as they pleased. And with the men holed up talking about dragons, elves, witches and war plans, they had time to come and go as they pleased. So I was getting to know Finnie more and Circe better, which was nice, since they both were great.
The bad news was not only was Apollo entirely absent, so was Chris.
Chris had run away because of me.
This was weighing on my mind. I was worried. I was hoping Apollo was giving him what he needed. And I felt powerless because I couldn't do anything to help.
In fact, it was me that was the reason he hurt.
Knowing I was causing pain to Christophe didn't suck.
It killed.
That was also weighing on my mind and call me selfish, I knew he had things weighing on his mind too, but Apollo had to know it.
And still he attacked.
I'd thought on it (and thought on it) and there was no way to twist what Apollo had said into being understandable.
It just wasn't right.
During her visit the day before, I had learned that Circe and Lahn, with Zahnin and Bain as Circe's personal guard, had been transported here by Valentine.
I say Circe's guard because Lahn didn't need a guard. He was a one man guard all on his own and only a fool would attack that man. I mean, those birds didn't even attempt to peck away at him and they were brainless creatures formed from magic but still, they knew better than to even try.
Circe told me that upon arrival in Lunwyn, Valentine had immediately sensed I was in danger and Lahn, Zahnin, Bain (with Lahn bringing Circe along because he refused to be far from her) sprang to my rescue without telling Apollo or anyone they were here.
Apparently, the ritual Circe was conducting to recoup her powers had gone a lot faster than expected. Since Valentine was already there to tell them she was moving them all to Lunwyn when it was finished, she'd just moved them all to Lunwyn.
The real Cora and Tor were with them but could not come because he had something pressing happening, seeing as he was not only a marked man with a marked wife but also a prince of two realms so s.h.i.+t had to get done.
They were arriving as soon as whatever royal stuff he had to do was done.
The other five hundred (yes, five hundred) members of Circe's personal guard that Lahn insisted accompany her to the Northlands were riding their horses up from the Vale seeing as Valentine wasn't real hip on transporting an entire army.
Depending on how good of time they made, they'd be here in three weeks to a month.
So now we were in my sitting room visiting.
And I was trying to figure out how I could sort the latest mess I'd gotten myself into.
What I was trying not to do was think about the fact that maybe I didn't want to.
I hadn't had any sleep since it happened. Not a wink. I was mentally exhausted (for, Lord knew, it was a veritable impossibility to become physically exhausted because with a housekeeper and two ladies maids, there was nothing for me to do).
All I could do was think on what Apollo said to me. How ugly it was. How uncalled for it was. How he had to know how it would wound me.
And last, that he'd let that sit for two days, maybe expecting me to go to him and smooth things over like Cristiana advised before.
And perhaps I should.
But I felt deep down inside that I shouldn't.
I took a lot from Pol.
I had to draw a line with Apollo.
But the man he was, maybe he wouldn't come to me.
See?
All this c.r.a.p in my head, it was no wonder I couldn't sleep.
Not to mention, worrying about Christophe and still feeling like an idiot because I'd done something so immensely stupid to start all this off.
I was so over it.
The problem was, I was over it, but it just wasn't over.
I was beginning to see the wisdom of Captain Kirk loving them and leaving them as he boldly went where no man had gone before (in the case of some of his alien partners, probably in two ways).
Because it hurt to love.
Especially when you f.u.c.ked up.
Huge.
Then they f.u.c.ked up.