Chapter 84
And it was another order.
"Come here."
I held his eyes and said softly, "I'm sorry. I screwed up."
"Come here," he repeated.
"I know it was a big screw up, honey," I told him.
"I do not know what this term means. I also do not give a b.l.o.o.d.y d.a.m.n." He came unstuck to lean slightly toward me. "Now, come...here."
I took in a deep breath.
Then, keeping my gaze to his, I went there.
The instant I was in reach, he crushed me to him just like he'd done after Frey and his dragons saved Meeta, Loretta and I.
"I'm sorry," I wheezed against his chest.
He gave me a powerful squeeze that I thought might break a few ribs before he abruptly let me go.
He took a step back and at the look on his face, which was not the relief I felt in his hug, I braced.
"You are lucky you have the opportunity to feel sorry, Madeleine. Your other choices were dead or captured, tortured and used to push me into doing something foolhardy to rescue you and then who knows. Perhaps my children would be without a father as well as a mother."
Okay.
Yes.
Totally f.u.c.ked up.
Huge.
I heard a noise I knew was from Christophe, it was small but I felt it pierce my skin like a dagger.
"It was stupid," I admitted, because it was and I wanted him to know I knew it.
"It b.l.o.o.d.y was," Apollo agreed.
"I was worried about Chris," I whispered.
It was lame.
I knew it.
So did Apollo.
"Before I left, I instructed that you not leave this house," he reminded me.
He totally did.
I set my teeth to worrying my lip.
"For any reason," Apollo continued.
I quit worrying my lip and asked cautiously, "Can we continue this inside?"
"We aren't continuing this at all," he clipped, his words ringing with an ominous finality that made me think that he was not talking about our discussion but something else entirely.
A chill slid over my skin that had not one thing to do with the cold.
Apollo turned to Achilles.
"Take her to the dower house."
My heart stuttered painfully in my chest at his words.
It stopped altogether when he turned his back to me, moved sideways a step and commandeered his son by clamping him on the shoulder. Then he led Chris into the house, Chris looking back at me with an expression I couldn't decipher.
There was relief there.
There was also, strangely, guilt.
Then the dark caverns of its interior closed in behind them and they disappeared.
Late that evening, I sat in the sitting room at the dower house, curled on the sofa with a shawl around my shoulders in an effort to beat back the chill that even the roaring fire was not keeping from the room.
My eyes were aimed out the windows.
As she always did, Cristiana lit torches in front of the house just in case we had visitors.
Something we often had.
At the very least, Apollo came every night.
Now, staring into the torch lit night, watching the heavy snow fall, I had a feeling Apollo wasn't going to come.
His reaction upon my return was not bizarre. He
But there was something weird about this.
Something wrong.
Something I wasn't certain I could set right.
I'd already apologized, admitted I'd messed up.
Now I didn't know what to do except give him some time.
Time I figured he'd take, considering the last time he retreated into anger it had taken four days and me approaching and laying myself bare to sort things out.
I wasn't going to give it four days this time.
But I was going to give him s.p.a.ce.
This meant a thrill of surprise shot through me when I heard the front door open and close.
I turned my head to the door to the sitting room, half expecting someone else to show there. Therefore I was even more surprised when Apollo's big frame filled the doorway.
He hesitated in it before he took a step inside the room.
I pulled myself out of my stupor and made a move to get to my feet.
I stopped when he ordered curtly, "Halt."
I blinked.
Halt?
His weirdly formal order made my heart begin to race as I stared up at him standing across the room from me.
Far away.
The length of a room that for some reason felt like an ocean.
And it felt like an ocean because his face was impa.s.sive. The same as he'd given me when he was angry at me before.
I hated it when he was like this; it scared the c.r.a.p out of me.
But it was definitely better than him hitting me (or kicking me).
He also got over it.
And this time, I deserved it.
So I settled in to take it.
"What you did today was beyond foolish," he stated.
I drew in a deep breath, nodded, and said softly, "I know, honey."
"My son missing, I did not need to bring him back to find you were the same."
"No," I agreed. "You didn't."
"I instructed you not to leave the house," he reminded me (again).
I took in another breath, this one through my nose, before I nodded and said, "I know, Lo. What I did was stupid. So stupid. And I'm so, so sorry."
He showed no indication he heard my apology.
Instead, he declared, "I'm uncertain if you've been informed, but unlike you, Christophe did not get played by trickery. He ran away."
"Cristiana explained," I told him, and she had, when Achilles escorted me home after Apollo turned his back on me.
This was not a surprise either. Chris had not been in a good way since Brunskar.
It sucked that he'd been moved to that. He had to be feeling things deeply, bad things, things he couldn't work through on his own in order to be moved to do something like that, especially in times like these. I was worried about why he had been and his current state of mind.
But I didn't figure now was the time to broach that particular subject.
"My son has a variety of things preying on his mind. He needs his father's attention," Apollo announced.
I again nodded, this time slowly. I didn't do it slowly because I wasn't expecting that Apollo would want to look after his son. I did it slowly because he was saying those words but I got the impression he not only meant them but also something else.
"And I have a variety of things to think on," he continued.
That didn't sound good.
"Like what?" I asked, my voice weak with fear because I didn't like the way this conversation was going at all.
"I'll discuss that with you after I've thought on them," he stated. "In the meantime, I shall need to attend my son so I shall not be attending you."
s.h.i.+t.
There it was.
Oh G.o.d.
G.o.d.
G.o.d.
My chest had compressed, making it hard to breathe, but I fought it and slowly gained my feet at the side of the sofa.
"Apollo-" I whispered.
He allowed me to get no further.
"I've made some grave mistakes. I must see to rectifying them."
What did that mean?
My heart started hammering in my chest so my voice sounded breathy when I asked, "What mistakes?"
"I'll explain when I've thought on them, come up with a plan, put it in action and rectified them," he declared.