Chapter 88
"You sit here, next to Ariel," she instructed, sitting me next to a doll with a crown and a very pretty knit dress the likes of which I had several of in my wardrobe.
But as she moved me, I caught something out of the corner of my eye and spied Christophe peeking just his head around the door.
My body gave a start as my eyes caught his. He was watching us and I couldn't know how long he'd been there. I also couldn't ask for before I could say a word or even smile, he disappeared.
I drew in a breath as I let elan seat me next to Ariel (not an easy task seeing as the chairs were not even half as tall as normal chairs) and my eyes drifted back to the door as she chattered and fake poured tea from an exquisite china teapot (that also wasn't half the size of a normal teapot).
Chris did not show.
I took this as a sign that whatever Apollo was doing with Chris wasn't working.
Once I processed that and let the heavy weight of it settle around my heart, I set it aside and turned my full attention to elan.
She wanted me here; she had me here. And not with me moping or stuck in my head, worried about my life, Apollo or Christophe.
I'd sit through hundreds of tea parties.
I'd do it smiling.
And for elan, those smiles would be genuine.
Every time.
Chapter Twenty-Seven.
Remember This Kiss Thirty minutes later, Bella bustled into the room, shooting a smile my way but ending our tea party with, "Your tutor says you have writing to practice, little miss. Time to put away the teapot. You can finish whatever you were discussing at dinner tonight."
Fat chance that would happen.
For two nights I'd dined with Meeta, Loretta and Cristiana in the kitchen at the dower house.
They were good company (the jury was out on whether or not I was). But this meant for the first time in weeks I'd dined without Apollo and the kids.
I missed that too.
And he didn't blink in taking that from me either.
Completely at his mercy.
Ignoring the pout elan aimed her way, Bella went on. "And, Miss Maddie, Lord Apollo has sent word that he'd like you to attend him in his study when your party with elan was done."
Or maybe it wasn't a fat chance dinner would happen.
Then again, it was at Apollo's whim whether it would or wouldn't.
Not to mention, I really had no choice of whether I would attend him in his study or not.
As all this settled in my head, I felt something strange bubble up inside me. It wasn't a bad strange. It wasn't a good strange. It was something I never felt before.
It was a nothing strange.
I didn't think on it as elan gave me a hug and when she let me go, I bent down to kiss her cheek.
I pulled away and whispered, "Ask me again. That was fun."
She gave me one of her sweet smiles, a smile, for some reason, that I committed to memory like I wanted to file it away so I could call it up whenever I wanted, right before she chirped, "I will. We'll do it tomorrow! And we'll ask Frey to come!"
I tried to force my mind to wrap around a vision of Frey Drakkar folding his long body into one of elan's little chairs and one of his big hands holding a daintier than dainty teacup. My mind refused to do it, but my lips smiled at the thought.
"Even if it's just you and me, I'll be here," I told her.
"Huzzah!" she cried.
She'd be happy with just me. h.e.l.l, she'd be happy with just her dolls. She was just a happy kid.
Though, I figured she'd be happier if Frey showed.
I kept smiling at her as I straightened. Then I aimed my smile at Bella and moved to my cloak.
"I'll see you both later," I called as I made my way to the door.
"See you at dinner!" elan called back.
I aimed another smile at her wondering if she would.
I then waved and walked out the door, busying myself with arranging the cloak over my arm, folding the gloves more firmly in my hand, trying to think what I was feeling.
And still, all I could come up with was that I was feeling nothing.
It was the nothing part that worried me and I was so lost in thought as I made my way down the corridor, I barely processed the women's voices I heard coming from not close, but not too far away.
"I'm shocked," one said. "It's unlike Ulfr. His father, absolutely. Him? No. But what he's doing is much the same thing."
"It is and not much the same. Exactly the same," another voice replied.
At hearing my name, I stopped dead.
Or, perhaps, it was hearing the part about Apollo sending me away.
"In Estranvegue?" the first voice asked.
"Yes," the second voice confirmed.
"Goodness, that's all the way across Lunwyn," the first voice noted.
"Indeed," the second voice stated. "He's also set up an account for her. Obviously, he still intends to take on the responsibility of caring for her, but he won't be doing it here."
"But," the first voice started, "I've heard they're to wed."
"I've heard that too. And maybe he intended to do that, if the children had accepted her. Now, that's obviously not going to happen. I know little elan likes her but she likes everybody. Young Christophe doesn't like her. It's not in his nature to cause alarm by doing something like running away, even when things aren't topsy-turvy as they are now. Her being here, he ran away. And who can blame him? I've seen her and she's the image of his mother. It's uncanny. It's also downright cruel to force your lover on your son if she looks exactly like your dead wife. Ulfr may be behaving like his father, as shocking as that is, but I figure in the end, he won't do anything to harm his son."
My breath suddenly coming in pants, I was teetering on my feet. I should have s.h.i.+fted to the side to put a hand on the wall to hold myself up but I couldn't find it in me to will my body to do so.
I could do nothing but listen.
"Cristiana tells me she's lovely," the first voice said "I've heard that as well. But she can be very lovely and that won't make her look any less like Christophe's departed mum. It's no surprise Ulfr took up with her, considering how severe he grieved the pa.s.sing of his wife. She wouldn't even have to be lovely for him to do that. But when enough is enough, it'll be enough. And I reckon young Christophe running off like that, Ulfr will decide enough is enough."
It was at that, I swallowed and finally shuffled to the side. Leaning heavily into my hand on the wall, my head dropped because the effort of holding it up was too much as their words burned into my brain. My skin.
My soul.
"At least she's on pennyrium," the first voice noted. "Sally from the village said Ulfr gets Loretta to acquire it from her. Though, it's still shocking, what with what his father did to his mother. From how he is, it's impossible to believe he's repeating history like this. But it seems he is, since his father also installed his mistress at the dower house just like Ulfr has done with this Madeleine.
"But the old Ulfr did it to get her with child," the second voice remarked and I blinked at my feet in shock.
There was a clucking noise before the first voice said, "I know. Desperate for an heir, he put his wife through that. Can you imagine, living in this house knowing your husband journeys ten minutes away every single night to engage in such activities?"
"Can you imagine living in the dower house knowing your lover leaves you for his barren wife and you'll never have him that way?" the second voice returned.
The first one's voice stated clearly she couldn't imagine it when she said, "I felt for her. For both of them. Especially when old Ulfr got his heir. All of that still going on, having the best of both worlds, but her sitting in the dower house having to wait for visits from her own son that the lady of the house was raising, and poorly, seeing as she didn't think it all that grand having to raise her husband's child with another woman. A woman that was just along the way. I was here when it happened and it was actually a relief when he finally sent her away."
What on earth were they talking about?
"With all that happening to his mum, Ulfr should know better," the second one stated firmly, cutting into my thoughts. "Everyone in the village is talking about this Madeleine. About how young Christophe ran away because he can't bear to be around her. How Ulfr is repeating history. You know, no one believes he's going to marry her. What I don't understand is why he dragged his children into this at all."
The first woman's voice was fading when she replied, "It's unlike him. Truly. And disappointing. But he's an Ulfr. He's Head of a House. They do what they will. They always have."
They were clearly departing because I barely heard the second one concur, "That they do."
I knew they were gone when I heard nothing more.
But I didn't move.
I couldn't know for certain because Apollo sure as h.e.l.l didn't tell me but it seemed like his mother had lived in my house, and she didn't do it after moving there when her husband died. She was not his father's wife, she didn't raise her son except for whatever visits Apollo's father let her have, and then she was sent away.
This was big s.h.i.+t.
s.h.i.+t Apollo should have shared with me, perhaps, I didn't know, one of the freaking dozens of times we lay in bed whispering to each other.
And he had some house set up for me somewhere.
Somewhere far away.
With an account for me.
As devastating as this news should have been, it wasn't.
Because it wasn't a surprise.
Christophe had run away because of me and Apollo was clearly concerned with that. He'd also made it clear he was fed up with dealing with me. But he wouldn't turn me out or allow me to go it alone.
Apparently, in the last two days he'd made arrangements to keep me.
He just wasn't going to keep me.
At that thought, I knew why I was feeling nothing.
I was feeling nothing because that was the smartest way to feel for if I felt what I should be feeling, it wouldn't gut me. It wouldn't destroy me.
It would annihilate me.
On that thought, I remembered Apollo was waiting for me. That bitter chill crept over my skin as I pushed away from the wall, squared my shoulders and raised my head.
And again stopped dead.
This was because I saw Chris in the door to a room just two feet ahead of me, his head turned to look down the hall toward where the voices had disappeared.
That was his room.
The door had been open.
He'd heard.
I knew it because I only had his profile but his face was pale and he looked stricken.
I moved and watched his body jump before his head whipped my way.
"Please don't run," I whispered.
Fortunately, he didn't move.
"Thank you," I said when I'd stopped close.
Then I didn't waste any time saying what I had to say. I did this because I wanted him to listen to me and I didn't want him to dash away in the middle of what I had to say.
I also did it because I didn't want to torture him with my presence for too long.
"I won't take a lot of your time, Christophe. I just wanted to say that I'm sorry." I pulled in a deep breath, pulling it together at the same time, and went on. "I never meant to hurt you. Before I met you, I was very worried I would. I'm not surprised that I did. But I am sorry." I dipped my voice lower and held his eyes when I finished, "Very sorry, honey."
He stared up at me and said nothing, his face expressionless.