Chapter 48
There are times in your life when you just want to close your eyes and hope that when you open them, you would realise everything was just a nightmare. But when I opened my eyes I still saw her in front of me.
Or them, I should say I guess.
After all, the baby inside her was a living, breathing soul.
I choked on the remnants of the air inside my lungs. The world outside seemed to fade away, leaving only grime and obscurity in its wake.
I never gave much thought to children, and was crazy enough to always be sure that Leia would be the one to carry mine.
Mine.
n.o.body else's.
Of course, the reality was much more different and complex.
From Leia's expression, I could tell she awaited my wrath. Yet... I felt not even an ounce of anger.
How could I? It wasn't her fault that she got pregnant. It wasn't the baby's fault that a guy like Ammar would be its father.
It seemed like, for the first time ever, everything made sense. I suddenly found my purpose. I felt the clouds parting for me; felt the very ground beneath my anatomically-designed boots quiver.
The rush was so abrupt, I nearly lurched upfront. My vision started to clear and the blast of sounds quieted, leaving only a soft hum in my ears.
Leia stood so close to me that reaching out would not be a problem, and I'd be lying if I said it wasn't tempting. But I couldn't. Not after what had been revealed directly into my heart.
I was made for this, I had realised. All these years of struggling, of going out of my way and setting up my own business was so I could look after her.
G.o.d had everything carefully planned out. He loved her so much that He had to ensure someone looked over her and the baby after she left Ammar. And that someone was me.
Why was it me? I wasn't even deserving of anything.
"Say something, please," Leia's voice was brittle, as if she was a centimeter away from breaking apart.
I couldn't, for the life of me, form a single word. My tongue felt way too thick and heavy in my mouth and I was having trouble just looking at her. I don't know...
Why why why
Did I want to reach out and touch her? Place a hand over her belly, like I was some crazed person. Yet, the feeling was so overpowering and I didn't have the strength to back away.
"Zayn? Please." I read the desperation in her eyes. She needed me to say something.
G.o.d only knew how she'd spent the past few months. Was there anyone to support her? To take her to the hospital? Did her husband even care?
I don't know why I said what I said next. I had expected to say anything but that.
"Is it a girl?"
Surprise lit up in her eyes, followed by delight. As if n.o.body had asked her before. What the h.e.l.l?
"I don't know," she said all too happily. Something inside me peered up at the first signs of my Leia. The cheery, chirpy Leia. "I wanted it to be a surprise."
I don't know what caused my lips to curl up, didn't know why I felt so happy, as if the child was mine. But I asked her, "What do you think it is?"
"Well... it I think is actually a boy," she shrugged. "It wouldn't change anything though."
"And how did your family react when they got to know?"
Her eyes were flicking to the door and I knew I had outstayed my welcome without her having to say anything.
"They were... excited."
"Okay," I nodded, stepping back a little, forcing my eyes away from her stomach. "Well, you have my number. If anything goes wrong, I'm always gonna be right here."
I turned to leave but she called out my name.
"Yeah?"
"Thank you."
My movements halted. "Whatever for?"
"For being kind. And respectful."
I shooed it off. "Just take care of yourself. Eat more." Though from the looks of her body, she was getting quite a lot of nutrition.
She gave a little laugh. "That's one thing you don't have to ask for."
I smiled back, though I wasn't sure if it reached my eyes. In fact, I wasn't sure how I felt about this whole ordeal.
"Tell me when you're ready for the papers."
They were prepared. Sat in the corner of my room for so many months.
"I will."
"All right, then. I'll see you later."
And I left without another word.