Chapter 1
It was a family reunion, and for once, both sides of the family, the sides of my divorced mother and father, had finally come together under the same roof. I don't even remember the last time it happened, probably because it never had in the first place. Amicable chatter filled the air, which hid an otherwise clear veil of tension that rang throughout the house.
I was standing outside on the porch, enjoying the warm summer breeze as I sipped my sparkling juice. I was alone out here, no one bothering to talk to the outcast of the family. Well, I could care less about them too, so I guess that made us even. The only people clearly happy here were my younger cousins, all playing together in the backyard below.
I hate them. I hate the fakeness of this family, the strained relations.h.i.+ps, the hidden objectives. But most of all, I hate her. I crushed up my paper cup in anger, spilling over the remains of my drink as I gritted my teeth.
"Whoa there bro, what's up with you?"
I didn't bother turning around, hearing the all too familiar voice. It was my twin brother, one of the few people I didn't mind, although that was probably because I had spent my entire life knowing the guy, and vice-versa.
"I wish I could just leave," I growled, tossing my cup down below. I felt an arm wrap around my shoulder, and I felt a heavy sigh emanate from my brother.
"Oh please, it isn't all that bad. It sucks there isn't anyone our age, but family is family, no matter what you say. Family always sticks together you know."
I couldn't help but laugh at his absurd statement. Family sticks together? "That's complete and utter bulls.h.i.+t. What have they done for me? All I see is the people who're supposed to 'love' me only do the complete opposite."
My brother had no response to that, and simply waited.
"Especially her. I'll never forgive her, so long as I live!" I yelled out, pounding my fist on the railing.
"Well, I'm family, aren't I?"
"You and Mom don't count. Although, keep it up and you will be."
He let out a small chuckle. "You know, you used to be way different. Now, it's like you've gotten more awkward, and I'm the cool collected one."
"Shut up. The only one who's cool is me. You're just a wimp who can't even beat me in a fight."
"Oho! Them's fightin' words!" He said, moving back as he put up is hands, wanting to fight me. I finally decided to look over at his face. His black hair was cut short, and his brown eyes had a slight hint of worry in them. I was a little taller than him, and the similarities between us were obvious. We weren't identical, but people still got us confused sometimes.
Before I could respond to his sudden challenge, I heard the last voice I wanted to hear while at this gathering.
"Why must you always bully him so much? Why can't you be nicer to your twin brother?"
That voice sparked a raging volcano in me as I balled up my fists, clenching them so tight that later I could see the nail indents left on my hand. My twin put his hands down and smiled.
"Hey there Grammy, how are you?"
"He didn't anything to you, did he?" She asked, ignoring his greeting. I could feel her cold gaze on my me, and I was beginning to shake with rage.
"No one asked you to come here, so leave. Now." I said, refusing to look at her face.
"Is that how you speak to your Grandmother?"
"Is that how you speak to your grandson?" I retorted, refusing to back down. "I didn't do anything to him, so you can leave now. I don't want you here."
Silence as she registered the words I had spoken. My twin looked nervously between the two of us, not sure what to say.
I rolled my eyes. "Ugh. If you won't leave, then I will. And don't even think about following me either." I walked past her, my accursed grandmother from my mom's side, and went right back into the house, ignoring my family's judging gazes.
"Seriously, that boy has no respect for his elders. The nerve!"
No, I just don't have any respect for people who don't even bother treating me the bare minimum a human being, let alone a family member, should treat one another.
I walked past some of my family members, who saw the outburst, and I could hear them whispering to each other as I got another cup of sparkling juice.
"Ugh, there he is."
"I can't believe they actually let him act like that."
"Looks like she was right after all."
"It's his mother to blame. She doesn't discipline him enough."
I whirled around to the person who said the last statement about me mother. He tensed up as he saw my glare, and I bared my teeth as I threw my cup at him.
"Don't you dare say anything about her! She's wonderful, unlike you sons of bitc-!" I was suddenly stopped by a hand covering my mouth, and I was dragged away from the scene I had caused. I was unable to get myself free until I was thrown onto my bed, where I saw who the culprit was.
"My son, haven't I told you not to do things like this!?" It was my mom, and she had crossed her arms underneath her chest, exasperated at my behavior. I could only look away, unable to look her in the eye.
"They deserved it! They were talking bad about you again mom! I couldn't just stand there and watch!"
"But you must, my son!" She said, pulling my ear closer to her.
"Ouch! What's that for!?" I managed to pull away, clutching my now red ear in pain.
She sat next to me on the bed, and I scooted over to make room for her. She then wrapped me in a warm hug as she held me tight.
"I know, but you must control your anger! Haven't I talked to you about this!?" I only pouted in anger and turned away.
She sighed. "What am I going to do with you? You're going to start high school once summer is over, so I need you to be able to control yourself."
"It's your mom's fault. If she wasn't so friggin' mean to me, this wouldn't happen!"
"This again? I know what you've said, but I haven't seen any solid proof that-!"
I pushed away from her, my anger rising once again. "You too!? I thought you would've been on my side, but you're on hers!? Why am I even surprised anymore!? She's wrapped everyone around her finger, acting like just because she's older than me that she can do whatever she wants to me!"
"Son…"
"Well I'm sick of it! She should know better than that! If she's going to treat me differently, then so am I! I'm not going to sit back and let her do what she wants!" I'll be alone in this endeavor, just like I'm in for everything. She's taken my family from me, but I still have my friends. So, no matter how lonely I feel, I still have her!
Mom just simply looked down, a look of anguish covering her relatively young face. "What am I going to do with you?"
"Nothing, I'm fine just the way I am!"
She just shook her head sadly. "That isn't what I meant." She turned back to me, and I averted my gaze once more.
"Look me in eye please." I started to tremble. I hated looking into other people's eyes. I could sense their disappointment through them, and it made me feel worse than I usually do. Nonetheless, I quietly obeyed her order, looking into her almond eyes, her long hazel hair in a ponytail that was over her shoulder.
She smiled, and within that smile was a feeling I couldn't understand. Lately, it feels as if I've been more and more out of touch with my feelings, the only things I'm able to feel anger and sadness. Mostly anger though. Anger at the world, anger at my family, anger at my situation, anger at my horrible grandmother, and the one that I felt the most, anger at mys-!
I suddenly felt warmth envelop my head, and I gazed back up to see my mom had put her forehead against mine, hugging me tightly.
"No matter what, just know I love you. You do know I love you, right?"
"Of course I know that! You tell it to me, like, a thousand times a day!" I grumbled, and she let out a small smile.
I looked into her eyes, and although she tried her best, a hint of worry, similar to the one in my twin's eyes, was in her eyes. And yet, I couldn't figure out the reason why…
"All right, stay in here a while to cool down. I need to help your steppappy with handling the guests." She released me from her embrace and got up, smoothing out her dress before shooting me a smile.
"Now, I expect only the best behavior from you while everyone is still here. I'll call you when the food is ready, okay?" I nodded, and then she left, closing the door gently behind her.
I let out a sigh of relief, the stress starting to fade away. I twisted around to the other side of the bed and hopped onto my computer, logging on to load up an online game I played with my close childhood friend. I checked to see if she was on, and sure enough, she was.
I messaged her, and I plugged in my headset and started a call with her.
"Hey, I'm surprised you're able to play right now. Is everything all right over there?"
"Yep, just managed to get some free time is all," I responded vaguely, choosing my character and logging into the world. "So, what were you doing before I joined you?"
"Oh, just farming before the next big event comes. You know me, I love to be prepared!" I could imagine her giving a smile and a thumbs up, and I chuckled at the image.
"Hey, what's so funny!?"
"It's nothing. It's just so like you is all. So, mind if I help?
"Eh, yeah sure. I'm almost done, so if you could help me finish, I'll help you farm too."
"Deal," I said, having finally gotten to where she was in game.
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I yawned as I stopped to stretch my aching limbs. I checked the time and scowled.
"Well, that took shorter than expected, didn't it?" My friend asked, dancing in game at our achievement.
"Yeah, but I'm surprised no one's called me yet. It should've been time to eat a while ago, so I wonder what's up…" I murmured. "Hey Lachesis, I'm gonna sign off okay?"
"Alright, do you wanna hang out at my house tomorrow when you're not busy?"
"Sounds like a great way to escape from this h.e.l.lhole, so I'll probably come even if I'm busy."
She laughed. "Ah, alright then. See yah tomorrow!"
"Yeah, see yah." I ended the call and logged out of the game, sighing before getting up from my chair. "I wonder what's happening out there. Not that it matters anyway. The less time I spend with them, the better."
I walked out of my room, and all the adults, and my brother, had gathered into the living room (surprisingly, everyone fit in there), all their eyes locked onto one person. I looked at the person they were staring at and felt a sense of unease within me.
My mother was the only one standing, as if facing trial against a jury. And leading the case against her was none other than my most hated person, my mom's mom.
"So, what are you going to do about this kid of yours? It's clear that you can't handle him, so why don't you finally hand him over to his dad? Or better yet, bring him to me, I'll teach him respect."
My mom simply shook her head fervently. "I can't do that. It's a sensitive time for him right now and doing something like would do more harm to him than good! Especially because of how he and his brother are!"
"Yes, we know all about his… condition so to speak. That doesn't mean we can tolerate this behavior of his any longer!"
She was starting to look worried at her predicament. She looked over at her husband, or my stepdad, who simply shrugged.
"Honestly, it might be time for him to go. I'm starting to get tired of the blatant disrespect as well. Maybe she's right. Just try to consider it. Maybe the change of scenery would help him."
"And if he's still disrespectful, I'll just discipline him. I'm not soft like you," my dad added on, and there was a murmur of agreement from everyone else, except my brother, whose gaze was firmly on the floor.
She was starting to look desperate, a look I had never seen on my mother's face before. "You can't, you absolutely cannot take him away! I understand how you feel, but I'm telling you it's a mistake! If he finds out about this, he'll never forgive any of us, and then he might do something he'll regret for the rest of his life!"
"So?" My mom's face filled with shock as she heard Grammy's response, which was filled with ice. "Who cares what a 14-year-old kid thinks? He's just a kid, and he should know that his actions have consequences, especially when dealing with his elders. I could care less on how feels about it, he should just shape up like the rest of us did!"
"Wh-what is this?"
Everyone froze as they looked at me, who had been silently watching in shock. "I'm going to leave? What's that supposed to mean?" I stared at everyone, and they all had the same expression on their faces, one of disappointment and of good riddance. Everyone, except my brother, who was shaking, my dad, who just shook his head sadly, my mom, who's face filled with shock at the sight of me, and Grammy, who had a wicked grin along with a triumphant look on her face.
"Hey, I thought I told you stay inside until I called you for dinner," my mom said, quickly recovering. "Go on back to your room, it'll be alright."
"Oh hush. We all know what's going to happen at the end of the day, and there's nothing you can do about it."
I walked quietly toward the living room, my fists shaking. This d.a.m.n woman. It's always her. It's all her fault my life is a G.o.dd.a.m.n mess!
"Why?"
"Why? You should know why by now!"
I stopped and looked at the person I hated most dead in the eyes. "Shut up. What did my mom do to deserve this c.r.a.p being dealt to her, huh!? Is this the reason why you all decided on a family reunion, huh! SO YOU COULD GET RID OF ME!?"
"How dare you raise your voice at me! The insolence of this child, honestly! Why can't you be more like your twin? He's nice and quiet and follows orders nicely."
There it was again. My brother was the perfect angel, and I was the d.a.m.n devil. Well fine, I'll just be the d.a.m.n devil in this situation. I'm so tired of it all, so G.o.dd.a.m.n f.u.c.king tired!
"I'll never be like my brother. He's his own person, and so am I. If you can't get that through your d.a.m.n thick skull, then you have other problems to worry about!"
"Hey, that's enough! What gives you the right to talk to your grandmother like that!?" My dad scolded me, trying to put a stop to the inflamed situation.
"I will not! How could I, when you put my mom on the brink of tears!? You say that family looks out for each other, but all I see is the adults pus.h.i.+ng their own d.a.m.n ideals onto others, not caring about the consequences it may bring. Family is unconditional love, so why the h.e.l.l am I surrounded by all these conditions just so I can fit in!?"
Grammy grabbed my arm, clenching it so tight that pain started to stab through my arm. "That's something that a child will never get. So why don't-!"
"That same d.a.m.n excuse again! Just because I'm a kid, I have to follow everything you say!? It's bulls.h.i.+t, especially when I know I'm right! Who gave you the right to disregard others opinions!?"
"It's my G.o.d given right, you brat! Now come here!"
I managed to wrest my arm away from her grip, and tears started to well up in my eyes. "What sort of G.o.d is that!? If that's truly the case, then I wished that G.o.d would disappear!"
My mom covered her mouth at my statement, shaking her head. "Please, let me handle it son. You've already done enough."
"Mom, what are you saying!? This can't be a family, not at all!"
"Even so, it's the only one we got! So please, before you do anything else, please just calm down!"
I gritted my teeth, my volcano erupting in pure anger. Why? Why is it that we subjugate ourselves to this mess? What sort of family is like this? What sort of twisted world would allow this sort of family!?
I ran toward the door and put on my shoes. "Wait, where are you going!? I turned toward the only person who cared for me, a look of anguish crus.h.i.+ng her face into tears.
"Serves him right. If he runs away from this family, the better for us. Who needs a disrespectful grandson like him anyway?" Grammy said, acting all high and mighty. "Go on, run away, like you always do. Just make sure to never come back, you hear me?"
"Mother!" my mom yelled out before looking back at me. "Wait, she didn't mean it!"
"She didn't mean it?" I could feel my heart being ripped to pieces as I looked at all their faces once again. Shame, regret, disappointment, all these emotions were aimed at me, and only my brother refused to look at me, although I could see a single tear streak down his face.
I hate this. I hate them. I hate it so G.o.dd.a.m.n much!
"This entire situation, this family, is so f.u.c.ked up!" I yelled out, my emotions in agony. And then I reached the pinnacle of my emotions, yelling out what my heart truly felt.
"I WISH YOU WOULD ALL DISAPPEAR!!!!"
And I rushed out the door, running, running, and I continued to run to who knows where, until I couldn't run anymore, and collapsed on the ground, wailing out into the setting sun, my sobs heaving out of me like a flood that couldn't be stopped.
I hate it. I hate my family. I hate my life. At of all the families I got, why was it I got stuck with the s.h.i.+ttiest one!? I gazed out into the open sky, before asking out a single question, my hands clenching my s.h.i.+rt as my tear-filled eyes wavered upward at the darkening sky.
"Is there something wrong with me instead?" Is that the problem? Am I just so completely f.u.c.ked in the head that I'm unable to see what an actual family is like? Am I in the wrong?
"Please, someone, anyone, answer me!" I yelled out hysterically, before curling up.
"Maybe, I should be the one to disappear instead…" Yeah, I should be the one to disappear instead.
I started to pound on my chest. "Disappear me. Disappear! d.a.m.n it, I just want to go away, never to be seen again!"
"Why are you, saying such things?"
Eh? I turned around to face my childhood friend Lachesis, who had a shocked looked on her face. "Not you too. I can't lose you too! Not after the first time, you can't leave me as well!"
"Lachesis…"
"SO, DON'T YOU GO AND DISAPPEAR ON ME, YOU HEAR ME!?" She said, and she covered her face with her hands as she sobbed uncontrollably, her slender body convulsing.
Is that my answer then? I gazed back upward toward the night sky, with all its glittering stars. I turned back toward the sobbing Lachesis and took a deep breath.
"You're right. I, I don't want to disappear too! I want to stay and live d.a.m.nit! I WANT TO LIVE!!"
"Then live!" She thrusted out her arm, holding out a fist, her sobs still prevalent. "If not for yourself, then live for me!"
She gazed up back at me, and a watery smile erupted from her sadness. "Because, I want you to live too!"
It hurts. I clenched my s.h.i.+rt once again, my heart starting to hurt. "It hurts so much!" And yet, and yet!
"And yet, why does it feel so good at the same time!" My heart, which hurt from my aching sadness, and yet at the same time, elated at my choice to live through it. I thrusted out my arm as well, giving her a fist b.u.mp.
"So, I'll live. For me, and for you!" I yelled out, my face somehow making a smile underneath all the tears.
She nodded, and we both pulled our arms back, and we cried there together, letting out all the pent-up emotions we had.
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It was late now, and me and Lachesis were on the swings at a nearby park, sitting in silence. I sniffled, a lingering remnant of my sadness.
"Hey, can I stay at your house today?"
She nodded, sniffling as well. "Yeah, that's all right." She wiped her eyes before looking at me. "Why, did something happen?"
"I just don't want to be near my family right now," I said, starting to swing slightly, gripping the chain tight. She simply nodded, understanding the history with my family.
"Ah, I think you have some clothes at my house you can use, so don't worry about going back."
"Thank you." I stopped swinging and stood up, allowing another sniffle. "Ready to go?" She nodded, and we made our way back to her house, which was right next to mine.
"Actually, how did you know where I was? It's not like I called you or anything," I asked, curious at how she managed to find me.
"Oh. Um, I saw you run out of your house, so I figured it wasn't good. So, I decided to follow you." She said, twirling her golden locks of hair around her finger.
"I see. Thank you." And we were quiet for the rest of the way back until we arrived at the front door.
"I'm home Mom! My friend is staying the night too!"
"Okay sweetie, ask him if he's eaten!"
We both took off our shoes and Lachesis turned back around to me, and I shook my head. "No, he hasn't!"
"Alright, well come into the kitchen. There's some dinner leftover from tonight."
We walked into the kitchen, and I smelled delicious food that made my mouth water. Lachesis' mom was standing over the stove, her long blond hair swaying as she reheated some food for me.
I sat down at the table and waited patiently for my food.
"Hey, I'm gonna go take a shower, so eat while I'm in there." I simply nodded, and Lachesis was gone, disappearing down the hall and into her room.
I silently drummed my fingers on the table, waiting for the food to be done. Soon, a steaming hot plate of Chinese food was laid out in front of me.
"Enjoy! Does your mom know you're staying her tonight?" I nodded as I ate my food, not wanting to deal with my family trying to take me back.
"Good, well our house is your house, so make yourself comfortable alright?" And then she left, leaving me to eat my food in peace. I soon finished and finally allowed my body to relax, sinking into the chair. I quickly started to shake, and I gripped my arm, trying to get myself under control.
"It's okay, it'll be alright." I forced myself to stop shaking and sighed before making my way to Lachesis' room. I knocked, and not hearing an answer, I walked in.
Her room was a light pink, with a light pink rug to match. Her bed had a similar color theme, with her pillows being hot pink. Her desk and drawers were white, while her chair was a light blue. The only thing not light in color was her desktop, which was black. I opened one of her drawers and found the clothes she was talking about. There was even underwear too. I grabbed a set of pajamas along with underwear and socks, and sat down on her bed, waiting for her to get out of the shower.
I didn't wait long, as about a minute pa.s.sed after I sat down before she came in, her blond hair taken down. Even her pajamas were pink.
"You really like pink, don't you?"
She grinned. "You bet I do! Although, I might change the color of the room eventually."
"Well, I suggest yellow."
"Yellow?" She thought about it for a moment before shrugging. "I'll have to give it some thought. Are you sleeping in here?"
"Unless you don't want me too."
"Nah, I don't mind. I'll get the futon, so go take a shower!"
I obeyed and made my way to the bathroom, where towels had already been laid out for me. I quickly took a hot shower and dried myself off before getting changed into my pajamas. I also took the liberty of brus.h.i.+ng my teeth (I had left a toothbrush here since I slept over so many times) before making my back to Lachesis' room, where the futon had been laid out for me on the floor.
"So, you hitting the hay early, or do you want to stay up and do something?" Lachesis asked once I entered her room again.
"I'm kind of tired today, so not today. You can stay up if you want though."
She shook her head. "Nope, it's no fun staying up late by myself. Guess I'll go to sleep too! Goodnight my good ol' buddy!"
"Yeah, good night." I turned off the lights and laid down into my futon. Sleep is the only time where I'm undisturbed by the outside world. And after today, I really need it.
I started to shake once again, and this time, I couldn't stop it. I started to breathe hard, trying to get my body back underneath my control. I started to hit my leg, trying to use pain to stop it, but to no avail.
"d.a.m.n it, please, just stop shaking!" I hissed at myself, desperately trying to get myself to stop. I suddenly felt a warm body crawl in the futon next to me, and two spindly arms wrapped around me.
"It'll be okay. I'm right here, so you can relax," Lachesis murmured, her words soothing my shaking body. "So, let's worry about tomorrow when it comes, hmm?"
She's so warm and smells so nice too. I felt myself relaxing from her embrace. "Thank you…" I muttered before drifting off to sleep.
And when I woke up, I found out that my family, every single last one, had vanished from my house. And that was the second regret I had made in my life.