Chapter 4
I shuffled my way to the bathroom, messing with the A/C unit before brus.h.i.+ng my teeth. In the morning, I always brushed my teeth super slowly, with it usually taking me more than ten minutes before I finished. I grabbed my wash towel from the shower and allowed the hot water to thoroughly soak it before squeezing it all out. I buried my face in the towel, moving it around as with as little movement as possible, trying to take away all the warmth it had to offer before the inevitable cool down.
After that, I dragged my feet across the wooden floor to the kitchen, having to go down a step into the living room before heading up another step to get it. Using my hand to cover up my loud yawn, I opened the pantry and found nothing inside. The refrigerator and the freezer were the same way. I scratched my disheveled bed hair, letting out another sigh.
I shuffled back to my room, grabbing my pair of old, worn out tennis shoes to take me to my ultimate destination. I decided to put on some deodorant before heading out, but I didn't bother changing out of my pajamas though.
I grabbed my key, phone, and wallet before putting on my shoes and heading out of my room, taking an immediate left, a step, an immediate right, and onwards towards the front door. I let out a slight hiss as my eyes got attacked by the light of outside, but I quickly adjusted and walked outside, the first time I had done so since I had gotten back from Hiro's home.
Knowing it was going to take a while to get to the store, my thoughts started to wander as I mechanically made my way through the usual route.
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It had been quite some time since I had gone to the store with another person. I think almost five years now, if I'm remembering correctly. Even before everyone disappeared, I didn't go out with my family much. I just stayed inside, playing online games with Lachesis. Although, I also hadn't done that in a while as well…
It was during the winter, and since it was going to snow the next day, we decided to go out and buy a bunch of supplies to prepare for the coming snowstorm.
I didn't really want to go, so my mom practically had to drag me out of the house. That time as well as today, I went in my pajamas.
When we got there, she split up our team to get food; my brother went to get drinks, my stepdad got meats, my mom got fruits and vegetables, and I got the sweets.
I love sweets, and that hasn't changed since they disappeared. They knew that, so it was probably so I could get all my favorites without complaint. I grabbed a basket and carried it over to the cookies, where I saw lines and lines of them, just waiting for me to pick them out.
I got a lot of strange looks however, due to my unusual appearance. Even back then, I didn't take care of my hair too well, although compared to now it wasn't as bad. Even so, I ignored them, since I got similar looks at school. It just proved to me that adults act childish, even more so than kids at times.
I grabbed two of each of my favorite types, filling the basket halfway before lugging it to the candy. Before I could get there however, a store clerk stopped me before I could grab any, and he stared down at me with unusually cold eyes.
He asked me with a stern voice that had a harsh edge to it how I was going to pay for it, and I simply ignored him as I tried to maneuver my way around. He gripped my shoulder tightly, his cold pale hands seemingly burning through my clothes.
He started to drag me away from the aisle, muttering to himself about homeless kids and how they always act this way. I tried to tell him I had my parents with me in the store, but he refused to listen, calling me a liar.
He led me to the storage area of the store and locked me in the room. Outside, I could hear him calling somebody, who I now presume would be the police.
I could only clench my fists in silence, anger welling up from within. People were always like this to me. I didn't get it. Why did they always a.s.sume the worst of me? Because of my hair? The way I dress? Even now, I still couldn't understand what was going through his mind.
He even took away my basket of sweets, the only real thing I was looking forward to from the forced visit to the store. And before I knew it, the tears started to well up from my eyes, and they fell with such ferocity as my emotions started to crack through the surface.
(Well, you're not much better, are you?)
The room got darker, and my crying got worse as these thoughts pervaded through my brain.
(After all, look at the things you did.)
I didn't mean to do it.
(So that makes it alright then? You're such a coward, you should've been the one to disappear.)
I could feel myself starting to fall downward towards a cold dark abyss.
I would disappear if I could, but…
(But what? You can't do, it can you? A coward who's too afraid to do to himself what he does to others, why are you the only one left!?)
Sorry…
YOURFAULTYOURFAULTYOURFAULTYOURFAULTYOURFAULTYOURFAULTYOURFAULTYOURFAULTYOURFAULTYOURFAULTYOURFAULTYOURFAULTYOURFAULTYOURFAULTYOURFAULTYOURFAULTYOURFAULTYOURFAULTYOURFAULTYOURFAULTYOURFAULTYOURFAULTYOURFAULTYOURFAULTYOURFAULTYOURFAULTYOURFAULT!!!!
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I woke up on a soft, earthy surface, and I could feel myself getting poked as kids around me were wondering if I was dead.
I groaned and picked myself up, and the group of four kids, 3 guys and one girl, froze as they stared at the supposed dead man. The one holding a stick, presumably the leader, lead the escape, holding up his stick as the others followed behind him. A scene that was all too familiar to me as a strange sense of dejvu enveloped me, but it soon vanished, leaving me with my usual emptiness.
I looked at my phone for the time and let loose another sigh.
It was almost 5 o'clock now.
I glanced around me and soon realized I was at the park I used to play at back as a kid. I immediately stopped myself from continuing with my train of thought, it only leading down to my first regret in life.
I brushed off the dirt from my well-worn pajamas and proceeded onwards to the store, alone as I had been doing it for 4 years now.
The walk to the store was slow but uneventful and I grabbed three carts before entering the store. It wasn't the same store as back then, my mom refused to go there anymore after I almost got put in an adoption center.
I rolled the three carts around the store, piling it high with food and other important necessities required for living. One cart was entirely for food, filled with cans, frozen foods, spices, oatmeal, cereal, and other varieties of food and vegetables. The next cart I filled with entirely water, ranging from small water bottles to the large 2-liter ones, with the only exception being two packs of soda I managed to cram in. The last cart also had water, but it was more a miscellaneous cart, filled with bowls, plates, utensils, paper towels and tissues (the soft kind, I didn't skimp out), coffee beans and tea, fruits, and packs of candy among other things.
Luckily for me, the people here were rather nice, and knowing I did this once a month, had a separate place where I could checkout and pay for my stuff, since I had been doing this for about four years now. They once asked me if I wanted them to get the stuff beforehand, but I vehemently refused, telling them it was something I had to do. In the end though, they managed to convince me to allow them to help lug around the carts.
Soon, I had finished up my gathering of food, and made my way to the special checkout designed for me. Five employees swiftly brought out their scanners and started to take out each item, scanning as fast as they could, before rearranging them back it in the carts. After finis.h.i.+ng up scanning the last thing, they showed me the absurd total I had gotten, and I pulled out my wallet, grabbing the card I needed.
Since my family's disappearance, I was pretty much left with a fortune once they declared my family dead and all their a.s.sets were liquidized. Since I'm still not eighteen yet, I had to let the government and the bank deal with all the major stuff, but in a nutsh.e.l.l, I got issued a special card that allows me access to all the money I was left. I could only use it for this once I begged them for permission, and other for this large purchase, I could transfer about $500 dollars a week to my checking account if I needed to, which I rarely did. The government and bank also allowed me to stay in my own home, and they pay the bills for me from all the money I had. I also asked them to pay off the mortgage off the house, and now once I'm eighteen, the house will be officially mine.
The store clerks, who had gotten informed of my situation, never once asked me what I planned to do with the food. Instead, I paid, and they helped me wheel the carts to the empty parking lot in the back, and then left me there to do whatever I wished.
I sat down on the curb and stared at the food I had gotten, saying the word before my mind wandered away once more…
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I had been during this ritual for, as I mentioned previously, about 4 years now. If I'm remembering right, this should make the 4-year anniversary. Honestly, I myself didn't truly know why I did it. Was it to feel a sense of peace, hoping they would accept this tribute, if they even could accept it? Even now, 4 years later, I still didn't know.
I had managed to keep it a secret for this long, although it's rather surprising that I have, since Lachesis tries to keep an eye on me for as long as possible. But it changed ever since the a.s.s came along…
Every time I think about him, the only thing that comes to me is a dark burning rage, festering deep inside. Because of him, the events of last year will forever be scarred unto me, and I hate that he was able to do that. Why him? Why was it that she, she…!
*Sigh* But never mind that a.s.shole. Thinking about him, dealing with him only brought, no, brings me suffering. If I could, I would rather not deal with him for as long as I lived. If only he too would…
(So, you're going to do it again?)
… Why'd you stop me?
(Wow, so you wouldn't regret it then? How coldhearted of you.)
If I wanted too, he would be gone, never to be seen again.
(But if you really think that, then you know what that means…)
…
(So in the end, you're still a coward; albeit a coldhearted one. I knew you were f.u.c.ked, but not to this level.)
…shut up…
(Oh, trying to fight back for once? When you know d.a.m.n well I'm right?)
Why are you…
(I don't think I have to answer that punk. Listen, everything that happened last year is your fault to begin with.)
Like h.e.l.l you would know!
(Indecisive)
gh…
(A single word is all it takes huh? Where's all that bravado from before? Listen well, because I'll only say it once.)
…i don't wanna hear…
(Like h.e.l.l you won't! If you keep up this act of believing and not believing, and never making a choice, you'll never get anywhere.)
ah…
(But you want that choice don't you, yah d.a.m.n coward. Does it make you feel like you have some control, is that it? Choosing neither isn't a choice, it's a d.a.m.n copout.)
Shut up.
(Because you already know whose fault it is.)
Stop it!
(YOURFAULT!)
SHUTUP!!
SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPYOURFAULTYOURFAULTYOURFAULTYOURFAULTSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPYOURFAULTYOURFAULTYOURFAULTYOURFAULTYOURFAULTYOURFAULTSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPYOURFAULTYOURFAULTYOURFAULTSHUTUPYOURFAULTYOURFAULTYOURFAULTYOURFAULTYOURFAULTYOURFAULTYOURFAULTYOURFAULT!!!!
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I woke up feeling a hard surface underneath me, my entire body aching. I opened my eyes to see three empty carts in front of me, as expected. I pushed my body off the ground, the second time I had done so today, and cracked my back as I stretched out my sore limbs.
I pulled out my phone to check the time and breathed out a heavy sigh from the depths of my being.
It was around mid-7 o'clock.
I looked up at the now darkening sky and felt my stomach let out a guttural growl of hunger. I clutched it tightly and made my way back around to the front of the store, where I grabbed two baskets. I filled one with frozen food and oatmeal (along with brown sugar and syrup for the oatmeal), the other loaded with a variety of sweet things to snack on.
I went to the self-checkout and quickly paid before cramming my stuff into bags and walking out into the evening air thick with humidity. It felt like it was probably going to rain later tonight.
I pulled out a pack of candy and started to munch away, walking the long way back to the house. It was strangely quiet outside, not even the cicadas chirping away like they normally would. It just felt like me alone in the entire world, wandering the streets of an abandoned suburbs. Soon, the streetlights came on, and it illuminated the sidewalk I was taking back to the house.
I scowled as I finished my bag of candy and threw it into a nearby trash bin before grabbing some more sweets, this time a bag of chocolates. I opened it and popped one in my mouth, the milk chocolate melting in my mouth.
I continued my way back, and I soon reached the dark house I slept in. I fished out my key and opened the door. I tossed the frozen food in the freezer and the sweets and oatmeal in the pantry before making my way back to my room. But before I could, I felt a wave of lightheadedness overtake me, and I collapsed in the hallway to the front door. I tried to push myself up, but my legs simply wouldn't work.
In the end, I managed to sit up, the night's light reaching down onto my face from the door. And so, once again, I ended up with my mind wandering far away, to a house that was far warmer and brighter…
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Back during a far simpler time, in the days of when I was five, I would find myself playing with our two neighbors, one girl and one boy. We had met when we were still in diapers and had grown heavily attached to each other since then. My brother met some people across the street and often played with them. Who they were or where they're at now, I honestly don't have a clue about either.
We would spend our summer days in absolute bliss, messing around in my home's big backyard. A simple, breathtaking rush of warm air filled with never-ending excitement and boundless happiness. My parents still together, no
It was absolute bliss here. I watched my younger self play around with my two childhood friends, giving off a rare, genuine smile that you would not oft see today. When was the last time I had such innocent fun, without any worries about anything at all?
This would probably be it, since soon after comes winter, and with winter comes regrets that'll never be able to be fixed.
The scenery changed to a snowy wonderland, complete with snowmen, snow forts, and a pile of s...o...b..a.l.l.s just waiting to be thrown. However, it would never be thrown, as soon my first regret came to pa.s.s, and my childish innocence, along with the warm, bright home I had grown to love, came to pa.s.s all too quickly.
My grade school years a blur, yet a tug of my heart that almost caused me to cry was the only thing I remembered, that and sixth grade.
In the sixth grade, my parents had already been divorced for almost six years, and it was clearly reflecting in my actions. My mom had already gotten remarried to who was now my stepdad, and because of him, I had many a punishment to do.
Especially in the sixth grade, where I was forced to do garden work all year until summer came and I went to my dad's. Whether rain or s.h.i.+ne, be it cold or warm, I was out there, goofing off most of the time, which only extended my punishment for even longer. Occasionally Lachesis would come and help, but it was just mostly me. At the time, I honestly didn't realize what I had done to deserve this punishment. I rebelled back against my stepfather quite a lot, to the point where he snapped one day and dragged me out of a restaurant in a chokehold, me kicking and screaming the way out, all because I had slightly banged the table in my anger.
It was a rough time, and I was starting to find that no matter what time of day it was, it was never truly bright anymore. My usual escape online with Lachesis was banned and taken from me, and I couldn't do much except sleep all day and all night.
My family didn't help much either, constantly trying to tell me to act a certain way and do things in a certain manner. Honestly, it was absolute h.e.l.l. The only good part was my mom, but she was overshadowed by her mom and the family, and I was always left wondering if there was something wrong with me. Maybe there was something inherently wrong with me, and I struggled to find a reason, unable to see what was wrong.
(And when you were 14, you decided to give up on understanding, didn't you?)
*Silence*
(Ignoring me now? Well, everything you just described all came about due to your ignorance, is that what you wish to say?)
I wasn't ignorant.
(Oh, so just c.o.c.ky then?)
I wasn't that either. I was drowning in a sea of misconception.
(Oh? Please, continue with your bulls.h.i.+t.)
After all, I was just kid. How the h.e.l.l was I supposed to know about how things worked? And just because they were necessarily right doesn't mean I was necessarily wrong either. They were stubborn all the way to the bitter d.a.m.n end.
(So, you're pulling the I was just a kid excuse huh? And yet you wish for your opinion to be heard as an equal, correct? Sounds like a double standard to me.)
I'm not asking to be heard as an equal, just being able to be heard and listened to at all would've been great.
(You want your opinion to matter? Come talk to me again when you're able to support yourself without the money you stole.)
I didn't…
(Ah, but you did steal. More than steal money, you stole everything from them, didn't you? A greedy, indecisive coward.)
I'm not…
(Oh, but I guess you were able to make a decision, right? Do away with it all, all while trying to keep yourself happy, is that it? And you call the a.s.s an a.s.shole, what do you call yourself?)
I'm nothing like that a.s.s.
(You say that, but you hate him because he was able to do what you couldn't, right?)
Shut up.
(That's what where we end back up? Can't even deny it, can you?)
gh…
(Thought so. Tell me, was that sob story meant to evoke tears? All it sounded like to me was a spoiled brat who wanted everything to end up his way, and rebelled when he couldn't.)
You have no right to d.a.m.n say that!
(But I have just as much a right to say that as you have to deny it. After all, opinions are subjective. But while opinions may be subjective, all the points I've brought up are almost all objective points of fact, am I wrong?)
I don't get you…
(Hmm, and I don't get you, so looks like we're even about this.)
(Hmm? Oh, looks like we both have to leave huh?)
I felt myself falling into the abyss once more, and I could hear a voice trying to tell me something important, but in the end, I couldn't hear what.
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I was shaken awake by a girl with the hair of summer and soft blue eyes. Feeling the hardwood beneath me, I a.s.sumed it had happened once again for the third time today.
The girl stared at me, worry filling her wondrously deep eyes, and I felt tears starting to well up as I realized who it was.
She wrapped my arm around her in silence, helping me to my feet. I turned my tired eyes to the living room, and for a brief moment it looked as if my house had turned back into the warm home it once was, my mother sitting on the couch laughing at my brother and I's antics, my dad cooking dinner in the kitchen, and the warm glow of the TV filling the air with it's wacky sounds. A scene of peace and tranquility, a scene I would be unable to recreate for a long time coming.
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"Hey mom, we have a guest!"
Lachesis dragged me inside her house, my feet dragging across the ground as I was met with bright lights. I squinted as I felt my shoes come off, and I could see the hazy image of a person coming towards me.
"Huh? Lachesis, I thought you went to go on your date!"
"Things happened."
She glanced at me, and my eyes finally adjusted to the lights. I saw a cheery woman holding a ladle, frowning in my direction. "Oh, its Depra! It's been a while, hasn't it?"
I could only stare at the blond woman, unable to do much else. Lachesis noticed and readjusted my arm wrapped around her. "Yeah, he looks pretty bad, so I was gonna have him stay over for a day or two."
I watched as her mom grew closer to me, and she peered into my face, worry causing slight wrinkles to appear. "I don't mind. Although, what happened for him to look like this?"
Did I look that bad? I haven't gotten a look at myself in a long time, so I wouldn't know. I felt myself moving again, and I could only watch as I entered her warm abode, filled with life I had forgotten.
Lachesis led me to the dining room, where she sat me down in a chair. "I'm going to get changed real fast." I hadn't noticed before, but she was wearing a yellow dress with heels, and her face had a light layer of makeup.
I watched her walk away before staring down at the table, trying to make sure I didn't fall over. In the background, I could hear Lachesis' mom humming to herself. A delicious smell soon wafted over to my nose, and my stomach lurched forward with excitement, growling so loud that her mom chuckled to herself.
"I see you're quite hungry. Don't worry, it'll be finished soon." I waited patiently, staring at the light brown table, adorned with a basket of colorful fruit. Just looking at that alone made me want to eat, and my stomach let out another loud growl.
I felt a soft blanket wrap around me, and I glanced up to see Lachesis, who had changed into some pajamas, her makeup gone from her face. She tried looking me in the eyes, but I averted my gaze, staring back down at the wooden table.
She let out a soft sigh as she pulled up a chair next to me. "How did you get this bad in the span of a week?" she murmured to herself, and my stomach let out another growl.
Eh? How did she know about my stay at Hiro's? I didn't tell her that. But before I could continue my train of thought, I heard a peppy voice reach from the kitchen.
"Okay, soups up! Literally speaking of course." Lachesis' mother brought out a steaming bowl of soup, the smell starting to make my mouth water in antic.i.p.ation. She set out the creamy soup in front of me, garnished with a clove.
"Whoa, you really put out all the stops, didn't you?"
"Well, I was about to eat anyway, so it was pretty simple to just make some more." She plopped a spoon in the soup, and I stared at her, her gentle gaze nodding at me.
"You're eating it all. No starving yourself in this house!" I looked back at the steaming bowl of soup, then back at her.
"Oh, you can't really move right now, can you?" Lachesis realized, the audible sound of her scratching her head reaching my ears. "Well, this is kinda awkward, isn't it?"
"Guess we have no choice. My only daughter must be the one to feed you," her mom said teasingly, and I got a loud yell in response.
"That's embarra.s.sing and you know it mom! Why don't you do it!?"
She raised a hand to her cheek, acting woeful. "Who, me? I'm far too old to be feeding someone again. Besides, you need the practice, right?"
"But mom…"
"No buts! Now, hurry up and do it. I doubt you want to starve him any longer, right?" I glanced over at Lachesis, whose face was flushed pink as she stared down at table.
My gaze ended up back at the spoon, and I tried to move my arm, causing it to twitch. I glared at it, scowling. Useless.
"Um, here you go." I looked back up to see a spoon hovering near my mouth, and Lachesis, who's face was still flushed. "Well, don't take all day."
I opened my mouth, and she gently put the spoon in, causing my taste buds to explode in flavor as warmth started to fill my mouth. She took the spoon out, leaving me to just swallow it. I managed to gulp it down, the warmth starting to reach the center of my body as it landed in my very hungry stomach. The process went on for another couple spoonful's, and Lachesis' face managed to lose its pink flush.
"I can't believe I'm doing this."
"Look on the bright side, at least he's able to swallow it without help. It's also not dribbling out of their mouth; unlike a certain girl I know."
Lachesis pouted as she narrowed her eyes at her mom, who was resting her head on her hands, smiling happily.
"Ooh, you know what I should do? I should take a photo to commemorate the occasion!"
I received another spoonful from my feeder, and she moaned to herself as she heard those words. "Please don't, I'm already embarra.s.sed enough as it is. I'm taking this with me to the grave."
"Oh, come on, it's cute! I'm going to take one!" Her mother responded gleefully as she pulled out her phone.
"…It's warm."
Their antics stopped at my sudden words, and they both looked at me in shock.
"…It's…really warm…" I murmured, my vision starting to go hazy from the tears that couldn't fall from my face. It's been a while since I've seen a scene such as this one play out between a parent and their child, and it was more than enough to bring me to tears, especially after everything that had happened today.
Through my hazy vision I could see a warm smile as a gentle hand wiped away at one of my eyes. "I'm glad you like the food Depra. I'll go grab some tissues, okay?" I nodded once, and her mom was off to grab some tissues for me.
I sniffled as the tears continued form in my eyes, but still unable to cry, and Lachesis fed me another spoonful of food before talking.
"How many?"
I glanced at her, and she was staring at me intently. "…three…"
"Average per day?"
"…Two."
"d.a.m.n it Depra, how did you get worse?" she muttered to herself as she fed me another spoonful. I was only able to respond with my eyes contantly watering.
"I'm back! Here, let's clean up that face of yours." I felt my face get padded by tissues, and when she got to my nose, she asked me blow, causing my snot to come out.
"There we go, looking a little bit better now, right Lachesis?" Her mother asked, giving me a thumbs up.
"He looks worse since his eyes are bloodshot," she said, scowling. "And speaking of worse, what happened to you anyway? Your clothes are an absolute mess, and you're covered in dirt!"
"I… am?" I glanced down to see my well-worn pajamas having been through the abuse of my episodes, dirt and gra.s.s stains all over them, along with the occasional hole.
"Well, once you finish eating, you can go take a hot shower," her mom replied, throwing away the used tissues. I glanced at my arm once more and tried to move it, this time being successfully, albeit shaking the entire time I was doing it.
"You can move now?" Lachesis asked, feeding me what I hoped was the last spoonful from her. Nodding, I managed to grab the spoon and bring it to my mouth, my arm slightly shaking the entire time. Nonetheless, I managed to do it on my own, and a look of relief pa.s.sed over mother and daughter, a weight off their shoulders.
"Thank you," I mumbled out as I continued to feed myself as fast as I could move my body.
"No problem dear. After all, mi casa es su casa as the saying goes," Lachesis' mom said, giving me a wink. "You're basically family by this point, so don't hesitate to come over whenever you wis.h.!.+"
I don't wish to impose on them, I thought miserably as I continued to fill myself up on the warmth they offered. It wasn't fair to them if I do after all, regardless of what they think.
Lachesis stared at me eating at my painstakingly slow pace, deep in thought. I could never tell what she was thinking, even though we've been together for so long. And right when I thought I knew her, she did something that always surprised me. And those surprises were never any good…
"Lachy dear, it's rude to stare," her mother said, chiding her daughter's actions.
She blinked as she focused on my face, and she frowned when she realized what she had done. "Sorry, I'm trying to think of ways to make sure he doesn't end up starving himself."
Morbid, but plausible. "Does it really matter? I already told you, I'm fine."
Her nostrils flared up in anger at my words, her normally soft blue eyes turning ice cold. "Whadda'ya call today then Depra? Quit with the c.r.a.p, you're clearly not fine, especially if it got to the point where you couldn't even move anymore!"
"Whose fault is that?" I muttered, and she balled up her fists in anger. But before she could say anymore, she got a slap from her mother.
"Ow, what was that for!?"
I suddenly got chopped on the head, and I winced in pain as I dropped my spoon back into the creamy soup.
"Both of you, stop this nonsense. You've been friends for a long time now and will continue to be friends for an even longer time!" We were hushed into silence by her words and could only wait as the onslaught continued.
"Now, I don't care what happened between the two of you, although I can hazard a guess that my daughter did something stupid again."
"Hey, it's-!" Lachesis got cut off once again by her mother, this time with a glare.
"Even if my daughter did something stupid, Depra, you should at the very least understand where she's coming from and be able to forgive her. You two are far too old to be acting like this."
I stared back at Lachesis, who was staring at the floor, holding something back. It wasn't that I hated her. "It's just that I couldn't understand…" I accidentally let out, gazing back down at my half-eaten soup.
The events of last year came pouring back into me, and I was starting to fall back down into the endless abyss of black, falling, falling…
"DEPRA!"
I felt myself almost slip out of my chair, Lachesis catching me before I did so. My heart was hammering, and I couldn't catch my breath, almost unable to breath.
"Calm down, it's okay." Those soothing words were almost enough for me to calm down, and I clutched my chest in shame, tears filling up in my eyes, but never falling.
Why am I stuck like this? This never-ending cycle, what could I possibly do to make it stop? I didn't know, and in truth, I didn't know if I could stop it. But, maybe it's for the best…
"Don't you dare think that way!" Alarmed, I looked up at Lachesis' mom, who had her arms crossed, an angry look on her normally gentle and carefree face.
"Do you think giving up is the right way to go? If you do that, then you'll never be able to find a solution. I won't allow that to happen, because if you do, what'll they think when they finally come back?"
I felt my blood freeze into lead, as those words I never wanted to hear came out.
(When they come back)
I shook my head, and I readjusted myself in the chair before continuing to eat, trying hard to ignore what she just said.
She sighed when she saw my reaction, and simply shrugged. "Well, I'm not going to force the issue now I guess. But, just know that it's something you should think about."
I continued to ignore her, wiping my tears away while shoveling in the warmth they had always managed to provide me.
"Depra." I looked up to see Lachesis holding out her hand. "Give me your key, so I can grab some clothes and lock up your house for you." Nodding, I fished my key out of my pocket and let it fall through my hand before landing gently in hers. "I'll be back."
And then she was gone, like a warm summer breeze. Her mom watched as she left, and she let out another sigh before smiling.
"You kids sure do have it rough, don't you? Well, as I said before, you can stay as long as you like," she said, getting up from her chair before mussing up my long unkempt hair. "And keep what I said in mind, alright? I really do worry about you."
I managed to shake off her hand before looking into her warm blue eyes. While what she said was true, I had given up on that vicious cycle a long time ago, it only leading me down a path of pain far worse than what I was suffering now.
I put in another spoonful of soup as my answer, and she giggled when she saw me do it. "You'll be alright, I just know it." I watched as she left, going into the kitchen before I put another spoonful in my mouth, only to find it empty.
"Oh. I finished," I said quietly, staring down at the empty bowl of soup. There was also a cup of water that I hadn't touched, complete with a straw for my drinking convenience.
I sucked up the water, glancing around the brightly lit home, filled with all sort of keepsakes and photos, many of them having me in them. It was always like this in this place. Warm and bright, soothing to the mind, body, and soul.
I finished my water before letting out a sigh, and I wrapped the blanket around me tighter before getting up. I shuffled my way to the couch, looking over the pictures in their simple frames before stopping in front of one in particular.
It was of Lachesis and I, graduating from the sixth grade together. We both had goofy expressions on our faces, and even though it was just a picture, I could feel the laughter echoing in my head, the happiness of that time resonating within me, and a rare smile formed as I gently picked up the photo.
I felt a single tear form in my eye, and I quickly wiped it away, but not before the person behind me noticed.
"Depra, what's wrong?"
It was Lachesis, and she was carrying some clothes for me to wear in a small basket. I set the photo back down before shaking my head. "Ah, it's nothing. Just… reminiscing is all."
"I see…" She murmured, and she walked up next to me to also examine the pictures from long ago. "This really brings back memories, both good and bad."
"You sound like an old woman when you say that," I muttered, and I felt a light kick on my leg from my comment.
"Whatever, I know you feel the same," she said, scowling to herself.
I looked back at the photo I had put back. "Yeah, I really do…" I sniffled before shuffling to the couch, where I collapsed, relaxing my body into the warm softness it provided. Lachesis stayed to look at the photos, and her fingers traced over another old picture, back when we were about 5 years old.
"It's really been that long, huh?" she asked herself, picking up the only odd picture out of the bunch, one with three people in it instead of the normal two.
I brought my knees up to my chest, wrapping the blanket around me so only my face was able to be seen. I didn't respond, but instead stared at her melancholic face, filled with nostalgia and sadness as she picked up the photo.
So warm, I thought to myself as I was staring at her, and I felt my body trying to drift away along with the warmth, but before it could, I felt a light tap on my head, jolting me out of my stupor.
"Now, now Depra, you have to at least get cleaned before you fall asleep. Are you sleeping in the guest room?" It was Lachesis' mom, standing behind me holding a rolled-up newspaper. "I drawed a bath for you, so hurry up and get in before it gets cold." She took away my blanket, and I groaned as I was forced to get up. I grabbed some pajamas, underwear, and socks along with my toothbrush before heading into the bathroom.
I got undressed as quickly as possible before hopping into the comfortably warm bath that was prepared for me. I felt my body relax as I sunk deeper into the water. Even in the bathroom, their home still provided me a sense of relief, and I quietly blew some bubbles from underneath the water, my aching body finding some sort of salvation that the bathroom provided.
I heard a quiet knock from the door, and I managed to mumble out some words to signify that I could hear them.
The door opened a crack, and I saw a towel being put on the counter. "This is for you Depra. Take your time and relax, okay?" Nodding, I yawned as I began to clean myself. I really don't remember how long I stayed in that bathroom, but I do know that the water never lost its heat or comfortableness, not once.
After finis.h.i.+ng up bathing, I emptied out the bath at the behest of Lachesis' mom before putting on my pajamas and brus.h.i.+ng my teeth, still unable to look at myself in the mirror.
I yawned once more as I walked out the bathroom, heading into the living room once more, where Lachesis and her mom were waiting for me.
"Ah, I see you're finally out! Where are you sleeping?" Lachesis' mom asked cheerfully, and I pointed towards the couch.
"In here."
Both were stunned silence before they glanced at each other. "Um, are you sure about that? You don't wanna sleep on a bed Depra?"
I shook my head, my long unkempt hair swis.h.i.+ng back and forth. "I like it in here."
Lachesis chuckled to herself. "Typical, I guess. Well, I guess I'll sleep here as well and have a nice little sleepover."
Her mom nodded and clapped her hands together. "Then, let me get a comforter for you real quick Depra. Lachesis, grab your own."
"Hey, how come you spoil him so much!?"
"Because he's cute obviously."
I knew better than to believe that logic. It was just how she acted, plain and simple. Even so, it still filled me with a strange sense of joy. She ruffled up my hair before going to grab a comforter for me, and Lachesis went back to her room to grab one of her own.
I situated myself on the couch, curling up into a ball as the warm house slowly started to lull me to sleep.
"Here yah go Depra, one comforter for you." I felt a thick blanket gently fall onto me, and I opened my eyes to see the culprit nodding to herself, gazing down at me.
"Sleep tight Depra." She turned off the lights after Lachesis got on the other couch, and then left to retire back to her room.
"Do you wanna talk some, or would you rather sleep?"
"Talk."
"Okay then, how did your trip with Hiro go?"
I snuggled up within my blanket more as we caught up, talking to each other like we used to so long ago, back when we were the best of friends, the warmth of the house almost lulling us back to an age of peace.
And so we fell asleep talking to each, not knowing when conversation ended or when dreams began, me having the most peaceful sleep I had in a long time…