Real Life In London

Ascot Races

A Real Swell Party 386

Bull and Mouth Inn 434

REAL LIFE IN LONDON

CHAPTER I

With what unequal tempers are we form'd!

One day the soul, elate and satisfied, Revels secure, and fondly tells herself The hour of evil can return no more: The next, the spirit, pall'd and sick of riot, Turns all to discord, and we hate our being, Curse our past joys, and think them folly all.

~1~~MATTER and motion, say Philosophers, are inseparable, and the doctrine appears equally applicable to the human mind. Our country Squire, anxious to testify a grateful sense of the attentions paid him during his London visit, had a.s.siduously exerted himself since his return, in contributing to the pleasures and amus.e.m.e.nts of his visitors; and Belville Hall presented a scene of festive hospitality, at once creditable to its liberal owner, and gratifying to the numerous gentry of the surrounding neighbourhood.

But however varied and numerous the sports and recreations of rural life, however refined and select the circle of its society, they possessed not the endless round of metropolitan amus.e.m.e.nt, nor those ever-varying delights produced amid "the busy hum of men," where every street is replete with incident and character, and every hour fraught with adventure.

Satiety had now evidently obtruded itself amid the party, and its attendants, la.s.situde and restlessness, were not long in bringing up the rear. The impression already made upon the mind of Bob by the cursory view he had taken of Life in London was indelible, and it required little persuasion on the part of his cousin, the Hon. Tom Dashall, to induce him again to return to scenes of so much delight, and which afforded such inexhaustible stores of amus.e.m.e.nt to an ardent and youthful curiosity.

~2~~A return to the Metropolis having therefore been mutually agreed upon, and every previous arrangement being completed, the Squire once more abdicated for a season his paternal domains, and accompanied by his cousin Dashall, and the whole _ci-devant_ party of Belville Hall, arrived safe at the elegant mansion of the latter, where they planned a new system of perambulation, having for its object a further investigation of manners, characters, objects, and incidents, connected with _Real Life in London_.

"Come," cried Dashall, one fine morning, starting up immediately after breakfast--

"----rouse for fresh game, and away let us haste, The regions to roam of wit, fas.h.i.+on, and taste; Like Quixote in quest of adventures set out, And learn what the crowds in the streets are about; And laugh when we must, and approve when we can, Where London displays ev'ry feature of man."

"The numerous hotels, bagnios, taverns, inns, coffee-houses, eating-houses, lodging-houses, &c. in endless variety, which meet the eye in all parts of the metropolis, afford an immediate choice of accommodation, as well to the temporary sojourner as the permanent resident; where may be obtained the necessaries and luxuries of life, commensurate with your means of payment, from one s.h.i.+lling to a guinea for a dinner, and from sixpence to thirty s.h.i.+llings a night for a lodging!

"The stranger recommended to one of these hotels, who regales himself after the fatigues of a journey with moderate refreshment, and retires to rest, and preparing to depart in the morning, is frequently surprised at the longitudinal appearance and sum total of his bill, wherein every item is individually stated, and at a rate enormously extravagant.

Remonstrance is unavailable; the charges are those common to the house, and in failure of payment your luggage is under detention, without the means of redress; ultimately the bill must be paid, and the only consolation left is, that you have acquired a useful, though expensive lesson, how to guard in future against similar exaction and inconvenience."{1}

1 Marlborough Street.--Yesterday, Mrs. Hickinbottom, the wife of Mr. Hickinbottom, the keeper of the St. Petersburgh Hotel in Dover Street, Piccadilly, appeared to a summons to answer the complaint of a gentleman for unlawfully detaining his luggage under the following circ.u.mstances: The complainant stated, that on Thursday evening last, on his arrival in town from Aberdeen, he went to the White Horse Cellar, Piccadilly; but the house being full, he was recommended to the St. Petersburgh Hotel in Dover Street; where, having taken some refreshment and wrote a letter, he went to bed, and on the following morning after break-fast, he desired the waiter to bring him his bill, which he did, and the first item that presented itself was the moderate charge of one pound ten s.h.i.+llings for his bed; and then followed, amongst many others, sixpence for a pen, a s.h.i.+lling for wax, a s.h.i.+lling for the light, and two and sixpence for other lights; so that the bill amounted in the whole to the sum of two pounds one s.h.i.+lling for his night's lodging! To this very exorbitant charge he had refused to submit; in consequence of which he had been put to great inconvenience by the detention of his luggage. The magistrate animadverted with much severity on such extravagant charges on the part of the tavern-keeper, and advised that upon the gentleman paying fifteen s.h.i.+llings, the things might be immediately delivered up. To these terms, however, Mrs. Hickinbottom refused to accede, adding at the same time, that the gentleman had only been charged the regular prices of the house, and that she should insist upon the whole amount of the bill being paid, for that the persons who were in the habit of coming to their house never objected to such, the regular price of their lodgings being ten guineas per week! The magistrate lamented that he had no power to enforce the things being given up, but he recommended the complainant to bring an action against the tavern-keeper for the detention.

~3~~ These were the observations directed by Dashall to his friend, as they pa.s.sed, one morning, the _Hotel de la Sabloniere_ in Leicester Square.

"Doubtless," he continued, "in those places of affluent resort, the accommodations are in the first style of excellence; yet with reference to comfort and sociability, were I a country gentleman in the habit of occasionally visiting London, my temporary domicile should be the snug domesticated Coffee-house, economical in its charges and pleasurable in the variety of its visitors, where I might, at will, extend or abridge my evening intercourse, and in the retirement of my own apartment feel myself more at home than in the vacuum of an hotel."

The attention of our perambulators, in pa.s.sing through the Square, was attracted by a fine boy, apparently about eight years of age, dressed in mourning, who, at the door of Brunet's Hotel, was endeavouring with all his little strength and influence to oppose the egress of a large Newfoundland dog, that, indignant of restraint, seemed desirous in

1 LINES SUPPOSED TO HAVE BEEN WRITTEN BY THE EX-EMPEROR NAPOLEON IN HIS LAST ILLNESS.

Too slowly the tide of existence recedes For him in captivity destined to languish, The Exile, abandon'd of fortune, who needs The friends.h.i.+p of Death to obliviate his anguish.

Yet, even his last moments unmet by a sigh, Napoleon the Great uncomplaining shall die!

Though doom'd on thy rock, St. Helena, to close My life, that once presag'd ineffable glory, Unvisited here though my ashes repose, No tablet to tell the lone Exile's sad story,-- Napoleon Buonaparte--still shall the name Exist on the records immortal of Fame!

Posterity, tracing the annals of France, The merits will own of her potent defender; Her greatness pre-eminent skill'd to advance, Creating, sustaining, her zenith of splendour; Who patroniz'd arts, and averted alarms, Till crush'd by the union of nations in arms!

I yield to my fate! nor should memory bring One moment of fruitless and painful reflection Of what I was lately--an Emperor and King, Unless for the bitter, yet fond recollection Of those, who my heart's best endearments have won, Remote from my death-bed--my Consort and SON!

Denied in their arms even to breathe my last sigh, No relatives' solace my exit attending; With strangers sojourning, 'midst strangers I die, No tear of regret with the last duties blending.

To him, the lorn Exile, no obsequies paid, Whose fiat a Universe lately obey'd!

Make there then my tomb, where the willow trees wave, And, far in the Island, the streamlet meanders; If ever, by stealth, to my green gra.s.sy grave Some kind musing spirit of sympathy wanders-- "Here rests," he will say, "from Adversity's pains, Napoleon Buonaparte's mortal remains!"

We have no disposition to enter into the character of the deceased Ex-Emperor; history will not fail to do justice alike to the merits and the crimes of one, who is inevitably destined to fill so portentous a page on its records. At the present time, to speak of the good of which he may have been either the intentional or the involuntary instrument, without some bias of party feeling would be impossible.

"Hard is his fate, on whom the public gaze Is fix'd for ever, to condemn or praise; Repose denies her requiem to his name, And folly loves the martyrdom of fame."

At all events, he is now no more; and "An English spirit wars not with the dead."

"The Count," said Dashall to his Cousin, as they pursued their walk, "remains in England until he obtain ~6~~ permission from the King of France to return to his native country: that such leave will be given, there is little doubt; the meritorious fidelity which the Count has uniformly exemplified to his late unfortunate and exiled Master, has obtained for him universal esteem, and the King of France is too generous to withhold, amidst the general feeling, his approbation."

Pa.s.sing through Long Acre in their progress towards the British Museum, to which national establishment they had cards of admission, the two friends were intercepted in their way by a concourse at a coach-maker's shop, fronting which stood a chariot carefully matted round the body, firmly sewed together, and the wheels enveloped in hay-bands, preparatory to its being sent into the country. Scarcely had these precautionary measures of safety been completed, when a shrill cry, as if by a child inside the vehicle, was heard, loud and continuative, which, after the lapse of some minutes, broke out into the urgent and reiterated exclamation of--"Let me out!--I shall be suffocated!--pray let me out!"

The workmen, who had packed up the carriage, stared at each other in mute and appalling astonishment; they felt conscious that no child was within the vehicle; and when at last they recovered from the stupor of amazement, they resisted the importunity of the mult.i.tude to strip the chariot, and manfully swore, that if any one was inside, it must be the Devil himself, or one of his imps, and no human or visible being whatsoever.

Some, of the mult.i.tude were inclined to a similar opinion. The crowd increased, and the most intense interest was depicted in every countenance, when the cry of "Let me out!--I shall die!--For heaven's sake let me out!" was audibly and vehemently again and again repeated.

The impatient mult.i.tude now began to cut away the matting; when the workmen, apprehensive that the carriage might sustain some damage from the impetuosity of their proceedings, took upon themselves the act of dismantling the mysterious machine; during which operation, the cry of "Let me out!" became more and more clamorously importunate. At last the vehicle was laid bare, and its door thrown open; when, to the utter amazement of the crowd, no child was there--no trace was to be seen of aught, human or super-human! The ~7~~ a.s.semblage gazed on the vacant s.p.a.ce from whence the sounds had emanated, in confusion and dismay.

During this momentary suspense, in which the country 'Squire partic.i.p.ated, a voice from some invisible agent, as if descending the steps of the carriage, exclaimed--"Thank you, my good friends, I am very much obliged to you--I shall now go home, and where my home is you will all know by-and-by!"

With the exception of Dashall and Tallyho, the minds of the spectators, previously impressed with the legends of superst.i.tion and diablerie, gave way under the dread of the actual presence of his satanic majesty; and the congregated auditors of his ominous denunciation instantaneously dispersed themselves from the scene of witchery, and, re-a.s.sembling in groupes on distant parts of the street, cogitated and surmised _on the Devil's visit to the Coachmakers of Long Acre!_

Tallyho now turned an inquisitive eye on his Cousin, who answered the silent and anxious enquiry with an immoderate fit of laughter, declaring that this was the best and most ingenious hoax of any he had ever witnessed, and that he would not have missed, on any consideration whatsoever, the pleasure of enjoying it. "The Devil in Long Acre!--I shall never forget it," exclaimed the animated Cousin of the staring and discomfited 'Squire.

"Explain, explain," reiterated the 'Squire, impatiently.

"You shall have it in one word,"answered Dashall--"Ventriloquism!"{1}

1 This hoax was actually practised by a Ventriloquist in the manner described. It certainly is of a less offensive nature than that of many others which have been successfully brought for-ward in the Metropolis, the offspring of folly and idleness.--"A fellow," some years ago, certainly not "of infinite humour," considering an elderly maiden lady of Berner Street a "fit and proper subject" on whom to exercise his wit, was at the trouble of writing a vast number of letters to tradesmen and others, magistrates and professional men, ordering from the former various goods, and requiring the advice, in a case of emergency, of the latter, appointing the same hour, to all, of attendance; so that, in fact, at the time mentioned, the street, to the annoy-ance and astonishment of its inhabitants, was crowded with a motley group of visitants, equestrian and pedestrian, all eagerly pressing forward to their destination, the old lady's place of residence. In the heterogeneous a.s.semblage there were seen Tradesmen of all denominations, accompanied by their Porters, bearing various articles of household furniture; Counsellors antic.i.p.ating fees; Lawyers engaged to execute the last will and testament of the heroine of the drama, and, not the least conspicuous, an Undertaker preceded by his man with a coffin; and to crown the whole, "though last not least in our esteem," the then Lord Mayor of London, who, at the eager desire of the old Lady, had, with a commendable feeling of humanity, left his civic dominions, in order to administer, in a case of danger and difficulty, his consolation and a.s.sistance. When, behold! the clue was unravelled, the whole turn'd out an hoax, and the Author still remains in nubibus!!!

~8~~ "And who could have been the artist?" enquired Tallyho.

"Nay," answered his friend, "that is impossible to say; some one in the crowd, but the secret must remain with himself; neither do I think it would have been altogether prudent his revealing it to his alarmed and credulous auditory."

"A Ventriloquist," observed the 'Squire, "is so little known in the country, that I had lost all reminiscence of his surprising powers; however, I shall in future, from the occurrence of to-day, resist the obtrusion of superst.i.tion, and in all cases of 'doubtful dilemma'

remember the Devil in Long Acre!"{l}

"Well resolved," answered Dashall; and in a few minutes they gained Great Russel Street, Bloomsbury, without further incident or interruption.

1 The child in the hat.--Not long since, a Waggoner coming to town with a load of hay, was overtaken by a stranger, who entered into familiar conversation with him. They had not pro-ceeded far, when, to the great terror of Giles Jolt, a plaintive cry, apparently that of a child, issued from the waggon. "Didst hear that, mon?" exclaimed Giles. The cry was renewed--"Luord! Luord! an there be na a babe aneath the hay, I'se be hanged; lend us a hand, mon, to get un out, for G.o.d's sake!" The stranger very promptly a.s.sisted in unloading the waggon, but no child was found. The hay now lay in a heap on the road, from whence the cry was once more long and loudly reiterated! In eager research, Giles next proceeded to scatter the hay over the road, the cry still continuing; but when, at last, he ascertained that the a.s.sumed infantine plaint was all a delusion, his hair stood erect with horror, and, running rapidly from his companion, announced that he had been a.s.sociated on the road by the Devil, for that none else could play him such a trick! It was not without great difficulty that the people to whom he told this strange story prevailed on him to return, at last, to his waggon and horses; he did so with manifest reluctance. To his indescribable relief, his infernal companion hail vanished in the person of the Ventriloquist, and Jolt still believes in the supernatural visitation!

~9~~ Amongst the literary and scientific inst.i.tutions of the Metropolis, the British Museum, situated in Great Russel Street, Bloomsbury, stands pre-eminent.