Chapter 18
Fred was not enjoying himself in first cla.s.s. He looked absentminded, with pangs of worry every now and then. The guy sitting next to him was clearly annoyed, but Fred didn't care.
Doubts and guilt. It was a dark place. He hadn't felt this gloom in a long time. He let himself feel the emotions, and he f.u.c.king hated it.
They had exchanged numbers, and emails. Fred told Emily he would send her money every month. She just nodded, and smiled.
Fred landed. Back home. His parents were there, and they waved at him as he exited the gate. Fred felt warm, then felt bad about feeling good to be back home. How fickle feelings were. He waved back at his parents, and hugged them.
His mother asked question after question about the trip. Fred told her about the beaches, the sand, the tours, the hotel. She liked to hear about the hotel, and Fred showed her a picture of the room. She was clearly impressed.
His father, who was driving them back to town, just drove. He looked happy though. Happy his son was back.
Fred was back in his apartment. He wanted to call Emily, but he didn't. Was it too soon, too early? But she was going to be the mother, of his child! He couldn't just cut her out of his life like that. But he knew he wasn't. The string between him and her
"Don't ever think like that, Fred."
"And why not?"
"There is no better, or worse. Each life is that, its own. The suffering, the joys, they can only be measured on their own. Comparisons are odious, and simply incorrect. Have you ever seen a stick exactly the same, as another. Sure, there are similarities, and difference. But how useful are those observations? Just serves to look down on others, or look down on yourself."
Fred thought that was the first time he agreed with the knife.
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Emily gave birth to a healthy boy. She sent Fred a photo, and Fred called her. They talked, like they did on the beach, the first time they met.
Emily's parents loved their grandson. They didn't ask many questions. They asked if she was okay, and Emily replied, yes.
She was seeing another man now. A local boy. Fred asked if he treated her well, and she told him, he did. Carlos was probably the nicest man, ever. He loved Emily, and Emily found herself falling in love again, too. Carlos took care of Mark like he was his own, and Fred felt immense grat.i.tude.
Over the next couple of years, Carlos and Emily had a child of their own. Emily sent Fred a photo, and Fred congratulated her. He had been sending money over every month. And Emily accepted it, without qualms. Carlos never touched the money. He actually hated Fred, and what he had done to Emily. But he never got between them. Not that Fred and Emily really contacted each other. He was puzzled about the two, but he was resolved to be the only man in Emily's life. Fred had better not come back to the island, he thought, from time to time. Or I'll kill him.
Seriously, Carlos was a swell guy.
Back home, Fred had decided on something. He had been back at the deli for a few days. He had bought little knick knacks and snacks from island paradise, and he gave them to Susan, Charles, and Bill.
"So, did you get laid, Fred?" Charles winked.
Fred smiled, and didn't say anything. Charles gave Fred a friendly push.
Susan snapped, "Don't be gross, Charles."
"Sorry."
As closing time drew near, Fred talked with Bill.
"Hey, Bill. I'm going to quit."
Bill nodded. "What are you going to do?"
Fred shook his head. "I'm not sure. But I want to move on."
Bill smiled. "That's great, Fred. I wish you all the best, sincerely."
Fred reached out his hand, "Thanks for everything, Bill."
The two men shook hands.