Chapter 36
Don't.
I stared at the cigarette in my hand, wondering how my life went into h.e.l.l again. The last time I'd smoked I was ten. Leia had made me promise not to ever smoke again. I hadn't bothered with it—mostly because it tasted like c.r.a.p.
But why should I keep my promise when she hadn't kept any of hers.
Will you get married to me when we grow up? I had asked many years ago.
Of course, she had said, who else would I marry.
Who, indeed.
She chose that piece of s.h.i.+t over me. Was it because I wasn't religious? Heck, considering how he abused her he clearly wasn't religious himself. At least I was man enough to respect women.
Yeah, like you bullied her at the beginning of the year.
Finally, feeling like killing myself over the kind of person I was, I lit up the cigarette. But I only stared at it. The ashes fell to the ground just like everything I'd ever had slowly withered away from me.
I was miserable. Really and truly.
But something inside me didn't allow me to take a puff. Just like that something didn't let me take a single sip of alcohol offered to me on various occasions by various people. Even my Dad had offered it to me once.
I was twelve.
Our society was getting too messed up. Everywhere I looked I saw a lost cause. A lost generation, really. Was it because of our upbringing? Because our parents never really taught us how to deal with real life?
Or were we just like this?
Did everyone feel as miserable as I did? Did they sometimes look into the mirror and realise they weren't ten anymore? I couldn't even tell where time was going.
My situation was laughable.
Stupid, lonely Zayn.
That day, I crushed and buried the cigarette under my foot.
Just like my heart.
@@