Chapter 4
Essy tried to go. But it was as if her knees had weights on them that fixed her to the floor. Holding up her ap.r.o.n with one hand, she clutched the arm of her master's chair with the other and dragged herself to her feet.
"I'll mop it oop," she repeated, shamefast.
"I told you to go," said the Vicar.
"I'll fetch yo anoother gla.s.s?" she whispered. Her voice was hoa.r.s.e with the spasm in her throat.
"No," said the Vicar.
Essy slunk back into her kitchen with terror in her heart.
X
_"Attacca subito l'Allegro."_
Alice had fallen on it suddenly.
"I suppose," said Mary, "it's a relief to her to make that row."
"It isn't," said Gwenda. "It's torture. That's how she works herself up. She's playing on her own nerves all the time. If she really _could_ play----If she cared about the music----If she cared about anything on earth except----"
She paused.
"Molly, it must be awful to be made like that."
"Nothing could be worse for her than being shut up here."
"I know. Papa's been a frightful fool about her. After all, Molly, what did she do?"
"She did what you and I wouldn't have done."
"How do you know what you wouldn't have done? How do I know? If we'd been in her place----"
"If _I'd_ been in her place I'd have died rather."
"How do you know Ally wouldn't have rather died if she could have chosen? She didn't want to fall in love with that young a.s.s, Rickards.
And I don't see what she did that was so very awful."
"She managed to let everybody else see, anyhow."
"What if she did? At least she was
She went on. "n.o.body would have thought anything as it was, if Papa hadn't been such a frantic fool about it. It he'd had the pluck to stand by her, if he'd kept his head and laughed in their silly faces, instead of grizzling and growling and stampeding out of the parish as if poor Ally had disgraced him."
"Well--it isn't a very pleasant thing for the Vicar of the parish----"
"It wasn't a very pleasant thing for any of us. But it was beastly of him to go back on her like that. And the silliness of it! Caring so frightfully about what people think, and then going on so as to make them think it."
"Think what?"
"That she really _had_ done something."
"Do you suppose they did?"
"Yes. You can't blame them. He couldn't have piled it on more if she _had_. It's enough to make her."
"Oh Gwenda!"
"It would be his own fault. Just as it's his own fault that he hates her."
"He doesn't hate her. He's fond of all of us, in his way."
"Wot of Ally. Don't you know why? He can't look at her without thinking of how awful _he_ is."
"And if he _is_--a little----You forget what he's had to go through."
"You mean Mummy running away from him?"
"Yes. And Mamma's dying. And before that--there was Mother."
Gwenda raised her head.
"He killed Mother."
"What do you mean?"
"He did. He was told that Mother would die or go mad if she had another baby. And he let her have Ally. No wonder Mummy ran away from him."
"Who told you that story?"
"Mummy."
"It was horrid of her."
"Everything poor Mummy did was horrid. It was horrid of her to run away from him, I suppose."
"Why did you tell me that? I didn't know it. I'd rather not have known."
"Well, now you do know, perhaps you'll be sorrier for Ally."
"I am sorry for Ally. But I'm sorry for Papa, too. You're not."
"I'd be sorry for him right enough if he wasn't so sorry for himself."
"Gwenda, _you're_ awful."