Chapter 45
I remember feeling well satisfied that I had on my best clothes that morning. I had reluctantly taken to them, but my others had grown so bad that I had been obliged. Then, too, there was a feeling of gratification that my hands were clean, and not stained and marked with ink. I remember feeling that as I took up the snowy table-napkin. All the rest was so dreamy and strange, only that I felt quite at home, and troubled by no sense of awkwardness. Moreover, Miss Carr's behaviour towards me, as she intently watched my every action, became more and more warm, till it seemed to me as if I were in the society of some very dear sister; and a couple of hours later I felt as if we had known each other all our lives.
Upstairs once more she played to me, and smiled with pleasure as I picked out my favourite old pieces from the various operas; and at last she swung herself round upon the music-stool, and rose to draw my arm through hers, walking me thoughtfully up and down the room.
"What should you like to be, Antony?" she said half-playfully, "a soldier?"
"There's something very grand about being a soldier," I said thoughtfully, "when he fights to save his country; but no, I'm afraid I should be a coward."
"A sailor, then?"
"No, Miss Carr," I said, shaking my head. "I should either like to be a barrister or a doctor. I think I should like to be a doctor. No, I should like to be an engineer, and help Mr Hallett with his--"
I stopped short and coloured, for I felt that I had nearly betrayed my friend.
"Well?" she said in a strange, hesitating way, "Mr Hallett's what?"
"Please don't think me ungrateful, Miss Carr," I said, "but I cannot tell you. Mr Hallett trusted to me the secret of what he is making, and I cannot say more. Yes, I may say that he is busy over a great invention."
I fancied she drew her breath as if it caught and gave her pain, but her face was like marble as she went on.
"Antony, you are quite right," she said; "and if I had ever had any doubts about your being a gentleman's son, these words would have removed it. So you would like to be an engineer?"
"Yes," I said, "very much."
She continued walking up and down the room, and then went on:
"You lodge, you say, with a Mr Revitts, a policeman. Is he respectable and nice?"
"He's the dearest, best old fellow in the world?" I said with animation. "Old?"
"No, no," I said, laughing. "I meant good and kind by old."
"Oh," she said, laughing. "But tell me, Antony; is he particular with you?"
"Oh yes; he quite watches me, to make sure
"Would you like to go to different and better lodgings?"
"Oh no," I said. "He is going to be married soon to Mary, who was so good to me at Mr Blakeford's, and they would be so disappointed if I left."
"He watches over you, you say?"
"Yes, Miss Carr. He was very angry that night when I stopped out late with Mr Hallett, when we had to walk part of the way back."
"And--and this Mr Hallett, is--is he a proper companion for such a boy as you?"
"Mr Hallett is a gentleman, although he is now only a common workman,"
I said proudly.
"But a youth like you would be easily deceived."
"Oh no!" I cried; "don't think that, Miss Carr. I would not give up Mr Hallett for anything. You don't know him," I said almost indignantly. "Why, when his father died, he, poor fellow, had to leave college, and give up all his prospects to gain a living anyhow, to keep his poor sick mother and his sister."
"He has a sister?"
"Yes: so very pretty: Linny Hallett. I go there, and read Latin and German with Mr Hallett, while he works at his--his great invention.
Oh, Miss Carr, if you could see him, so good and tender to his invalid complaining mother, you would say I ought to be only too proud of my friend!"
She was pressing my hand as she hastened her steps up and down the room.
Then, loosing my hand suddenly, she walked quickly to the window, and threw it open, to stand there for a few minutes gazing out.
"The room was too warm, Antony," she said in a quiet, composed way; and her pleasant smile was back upon her face as she returned to me. "Why, we were quite racing up and down the room. So you read German, do you?
Come, you shall read a bit of Goethe to me."
"I'm afraid--"
"That you are not perfect, Antony?" she said, laughing in a bright, eager way. "Neither am I. We will both try and improve ourselves.
Have you well mastered the old, crabby characters?"
"Oh yes," I said, laughing. "My mother taught me them when I was very young."
"Why, Antony," she cried, s.n.a.t.c.hing the book from my hands at the end of half an hour; "you ought to be my master. But come, it is nearly dinner-time, and we must dress."
"Dress?" I said, falling down from the seventh heaven to the level of Caroline Street, Pentonville, and bouncing back to the second floor.
"Well," she said, smiling; "you would like to wash your hands."
The rest of that evening was still more dreamlike than the day. I dined with Miss Carr, and afterwards she encouraged me to go on talking about myself, and present and past life. I amused her greatly about Revitts, and his efforts to improve his spelling; and she smiled and looked pained in turn, as I talked of Mary and my life at Mr Blakeford's.
"I should like to know Mary," she said, laughing; "Mary must be a rough gem."
"But she is so good at heart!" I cried earnestly, for I felt pained at the light way in which she spoke of poor Mary.
"I am sure she is, Antony," said Miss Carr, looking at me very earnestly; and then I began to talk of Mr Hallett, and how kind and firm he had been.
To my surprise, she stopped me, her voice sounding almost harsh as she said quietly:
"You are learning through a rough school, Antony, and are fast losing your homelike ways, and childlike--well--innocence; but you are still very impressionable, and ready to take people for what they seem.
Antony, my boy, you will make many enemies as well as friends. Count me always among the latter, and as your friend I now say to you, do not be too ready to make friends.h.i.+ps with men. I should rather see you with a good companion of your own age."
"Yes, Miss Carr," I said; "but if you knew Mr Hallett--"
She held up her hand, and I stopped, for she seemed to turn pale and to look angry.
"Antony," she said, as the tea was brought in, "you will soon have to go, now, and I have not written the answer to the letter you brought."
"No, Miss Carr," I said; and I could have added, "neither have you read it."
"It is too late, of course, for you to take an answer back, so I shall send one by post. Do not be alarmed," she said, smiling, as she divined my thoughts; "no one will be angry with you for staying here. It was my wish."