The Returner

What would be the most horrifying thing a man might have to endure in his lifetime?

The final year at his high school, when the direction second half of his life could potentially take, was decided? The h.e.l.lish two years spent in the compulsory military service?

Or, could it be the decades spent as a salaryman aka someone’s slave worker?

Yi Ji-Hyuk could say, without a hint of reservation, that it was none of the above. The worst thing a man had to endure was right here.

The definition of h.e.l.l was him chasing after two females on a shopping spree in a multi-story department store. Right, this was the true h.e.l.l on earth.

h.e.l.l, even the demon world wasn’t this horrible.

He wasn’t exaggerating, oh no. He was utterly serious. Because… he actually went to the demon world before!!

"This one doesn’t really look that good, no?" (mom)

"Mom, that’s because the cloth frame is too uncool, that’s why. " (Ye-Won)

"You shouldn’t say that about your own Oppa. He’s enough to be called tall and handsome, so it’s fine. " (mom)

"Mom really loves her son, doesn’t she?" (Ye-Won)

Wow, just listen to this girl here. Gee whiz.

There’s nothing wrong with me, though?!

I mean, I look pretty good for an average guy, don’t I? (Yi Ji-Hyuk)

"Hmm. This one is no good, this one’s also not that good…" (mom)

"Mom…" (Yi Ji-Hyuk)

"Mm? What’s the matter, son?" (mom)

"…. Please, spare me. " (Yi Ji-Hyuk)

"Endure for a bit longer. We’ll finish up soon. " (mom)

Sure thing, mother. We will finish up real soon. Yes. By the way, mother… didn’t you say the exact same thing, like, two hours ago?! (Yi Ji-Hyuk)

From the moment he had to try on his twentieth article of clothing, Yi Ji-Hyuk began developing symptoms of a panic attack.

"I, uh, I… am gonna go over there for a smoke break. " (Yi Ji-Hyuk)

"The smell of the cigarettes might get on the new clothes if you do that!! Also, you shouldn’t smoke in someone else’s store, son!" (mom)

"I might die, you know. " (Yi Ji-Hyuk)

"Stop exaggerating. " (Ye-Won)

Does this little girl think I’m exaggerating here?! (Yi Ji-Hyuk)

He didn’t feel this bad when he had to descend to the depths of the 200th floor-deep Tower of Abyss. Yi Ji-Hyuk was the kind of a man who actually enjoyed the Tower’s pitch-black darkness and the accompanying foul odour of rotting corpses as well as disgusting smells of monsters during his descent.

Yet, that very Yi Ji-Hyuk was quivering from terror in the middle of a modern department store.

What was even more terrifying was the fact that…. these two ladies hadn’t even started choosing their own attires yet.

The true h.e.l.l would only begin from that point on.

His heart was beating madly and it got progressively harder to breathe.

"Mom, I might really die at this rate. " (Yi Ji-Hyuk)

"Okay, fine, fine. I understand. But, try this on first. Let me compare it to the stuff from the previous stalls and see which one’s better. " (mom)

"This is the last one, right?" (Yi Ji-Hyuk)

"That’s right. So, put it on quickly and let me see. " (mom)

Yi Ji-Hyuk was pushed into the changing room like a cow being shoved into an abattoir. He quickly changed

clothes and came out.

After sweeping her gaze up and down the length of her son’s body, mom promptly made her decision.

"Hmm. It’s not that cool. " (mom)

"I told you, mom. Not cool at all. " (Ye-Won)

"To me, it feels like the first one we tried on was the best. " (mom)

"I agree. " (Ye-Won)

"Then, let’s buy that one. " (mom)

Two emotions – one of happiness at this whole ordeal finally coming to an end and the other, an emptiness born out from him wondering what the purpose of him enduring all of it was for – came was.h.i.+ng over him simultaneously. Yi Ji-Hyuk gently wiped the rapidly-moistening edges of his eyes and returned to the changing room.

Still, knowing that shopping for his clothes had indeed come to an end made him feel really happy inside. At least, he wouldn’t have to go through the unnecessary torture of trying on & taking off all those clothes they weren’t going to buy in the first place. It was the moment of his liberation!

…. Well, he did think like that for a short moment.

It only took a few minutes for Yi Ji-Hyuk to realise that, perhaps, it’d been far more preferable to be stuck choosing his own clothes, instead.

Right now, mom was holding two yellow padded coats in each of her hands with a smile. And she inevitably asked him for his opinion.

"Son! Which one looks more prettier to you?" (mom)

Why is she asking me while holding two identical coats?!

Are they different sizes?

No wait. They have different logos, which means they are from different brands, but… were they made in the same factory? Looks like only their logos are different?! (Yi Ji-Hyuk’s internal monologue)

"They, uh, they look similar to me, though?" (Yi Ji-Hyuk)

"You say these are similar?! Son, please take a proper look, will you? They are completely different. " (mom)

Just how are they ‘completely’ different now?!?! (Yi Ji-Hyuk)

"You really don’t have any discerning eyes, do you. Okay, how about this one, annnd this one?" (mom)

"Is this the spot-the-differences?" (Yi Ji-Hyuk)

"Stop cracking jokes, son. " (mom)

"Mom, I wish I was only joking here. " (Yi Ji-Hyuk)

Would mom understand how he was feeling at this moment, if he turned on his video game right now and showed her the "True Shot" and "Power Shot", then ask her which one looked cooler?

Yi Ji-Hyuk could now acutely sense his poor brain overheating quite severely, after an a.n.a.lysis on a subject his scope of understanding couldn’t even hope to breach, was demanded from him.

‘I, I need sugar. I need a sugar rush, immediately!’ (Yi Ji-Hyuk)

No, before that, he wanted to escape from this windowless prison first.

h.e.l.l, even back in Berafe, where not one person seemed to possess advanced construction techniques, he still hadn’t encountered a single building without a window there!

Did the modern world revert back to the stone age or something? Just why were there no windows and not one clock in this entire building?!

"Mom, I’m thirsty, so can’t we go somewhere to get something to drink?" (Yi Ji-Hyuk)

"But, we haven’t finished shopping,

"But, but, if I don’t drink something right now, I might collapse here, you know?" (Yi Ji-Hyuk)

"You and your exaggerations. " (mom)

Mom broke out in a cheerful laughter and heartily slapped Yi Ji-Hyuk’s back. Even under

under such a light pounding, his body got bent at a weird angle.

Maybe she saw something in this exchange, even Yi Ye-Won decided to provide fire support for her hapless brother.

"Mom, I’m also thirsty. Let’s go to a cafe and get a cup of coffee or something. " (Ye-Won)

"Oh, you too? Okay, then. " (mom)

Yi Ji-Hyuk stared at his younger sister with eyes br.i.m.m.i.n.g full of grateful tears.

Why did she look so especially wonderful today? Did she perhaps realise the peril her older brother was in, and decided to help him out?

As expected of the kindhearted Ye-Won. She was only being abrasive towards her Oppa because of awkwardness, not from an intense dislike!

"Well, it’s not like we’ll be finished in one or two hours anyway, so we should get some light snacks if we want to continue shopping around, right?" (Ye-Won)

…. What a treacherous girl.

What the h.e.l.l do you mean, shop around?! Do you want to see your Oppa’s head go ’round and round’?! (Yi Ji-Hyuk) (TL: This is a Korean wordplay – the Korean words for "go round" can also mean "go crazy/insane" as well.)

"Mm, you’re right. We might eat supper a bit late, too. So, let’s get some early snacks, shall we? What would you like?" (mom)

"I want macaroons~. " (Ye-Won)

"Macaroons are nice. " (mom)

Watching the backs of two women busy giggling to themselves while not even caring about him as they walked away, Yi Ji-Hyuk came to a sudden realisation.

‘It was a lot more comfortable back in Berafe. ’

Well, at least, they didn’t have a department store there.

Eff you, you accursed Earth…

"I want a Dark Choco-latte, with honey-b.u.t.ter bread. But, injeolmi also looks nice, so is the honey-cheese bread… Mmmm. I can’t decide. Mom, what would you like?" (Ye-Won) (TL: "Injeolmi" is a traditional Korean rice cake topped with various toppings. Google it if you’re curious.)

"I’ll just order a Caramel Macchiato. " (mom)

"What about bread?" (Ye-Won)

"Injeolmi looks nice, and what about the Apple Cinnamon? That one looks nice too…" (mom)

"Mm. In that case, mom, should we order one portion of honey b.u.t.ter bread and injeolmi to share?" (Ye-Won)

"Yes, let’s do that. " (mom)

These two people, who were only a breath away from pulling each other’s hair out over coming home late and all that, were currently chatting away like a pair of long-lost BFFs.

What a scary place this was, this thing called the department store.

"Son, what would you like?" (mom)

"Uh, C, c.o.ke?" (Yi Ji-Hyuk)

The eyes of two women narrowed, like very thin needles.

"Why would you drink cola in a cafe? Son, why are you behaving like this?" (mom)

"Seriously now, I’m speechless. " (Ye-Won)

"Get something else, okay?" (mom)

After getting suckered by the one-two punch combo coming in from both sides, the helpless Yi Ji-Hyuk turned his eyes towards the menu.

And then, belatedly realised something else.

The deciphering of the cafe’s menu was actually far more difficult than figuring out the ancient runes of Berafe.

Really now – a menu was supposed to be designed to ease the process of figuring out what you wanted to eat. And those ancient runes were maddening enough to cause a mild-mannered Elf to rip the offending book in half, yet…. What the heck was going on here?!

Just which country’s language did that

did that ‘Frappuccino’ thing come from?!

And, what about ‘praline’? Was that a name of a person? It’s a good stage name for a WWE wrestler…

"What, what is a Frappuccino?" (Yi Ji-Hyuk)

Yi Ye-Won stared at her brother with a pair of criticising eyes, as if she couldn’t believe he didn’t know what a Frappuccino was.

But, what could he do? He really had no clue!

"It’s like a smoothie. " (Ye-Won)

"A smooth-y?!" (Yi-Ji-Hyuk)

"Argh, really now? A shake!! It’s like a shake!" (Ye-Won)

Ah!

So, it’s like a milkshake, huh.

Then, why not call it a shake-something-or-rather, instead of some weird a*s-sh*t? Just why? Just what the eff happened to the entire coffee industry in the last five years, that I can’t even begin to understand a dang thing on this stupid menu?! (Yi Ji-Hyuk’s internal monologue)

"Well, I, uh, I want that yogurt Frappuccino, then!" (Yi Ji-Hyuk)

Finally, he made his choice! Yes!

"Dear customer, our sincerest apologies, but our store regretfully does not stock a yogurt Frappuccino. However, we do stock a yogurt smoothie. Will that be fine, sir?"

"…. What’s the difference?" (Yi Ji-Hyuk)

When asked, even the part-time worker behind the counter found it a bit troublesome to explain.

What the h.e.l.l. Is this place a den of demons?

Heck, a newbie sorcerer entering an artifact shop wouldn’t be this troubled while browsing through the catalogues. Seriously! (Yi Ji-Hyuk’s internal monologue)

"Okay, whatever. Just give me that. " (Yi Ji-Hyuk)

So what if it was a dang Frappuccino whatever, or a smoothie this-and-that?

Who cares, as long as it tasted okay, right?!

Not everything in the world would turn out like a walk in a park, anyways.

Afterwards, mom ordered the drinks and breads.

"Don’t forget the macaroons, too~. " (Ye-Won)

Yi Ji-Hyuk was sure that, after shoving all that sugary confection down their throats, these two ladies would complain bitterly later on why their weight wouldn’t go down.

But whatever, this was fine. All good.

This cafe might be located underground, but thanks largely to the décor being fakey wood and whatnots – instead of rows of colourful, unbought clothes – this place had begun to show a positive effect on healing his frayed nerves already.

Of course, he’d have to go upstairs sooner or later.

What a terrible thing that was.

"And what a terrible thing this is. "

A woman named Lee Mi-Rae was complaining to herself while going down to the bas.e.m.e.nt in an elevator.

The world had become quite convenient, that’s for sure.

By how much? It seemed that nowadays, the customers knew better than Lee Mi-Rae herself, who so happened to be an employee of a certain retail store, regarding her store’s availability of stock.

"But, I came here after confirming online you guys have it, though?"

Lee Mi-Rae could acutely feel just how much this world had changed, when she looked at the customer who barged into her store and started asking for the product and even told her its serial number.

And after continuously listening to this customer’s enthusiastic yappings about the process of confirming the availability of the product through internet – and then, hurrying over to this particular store to snag this particular item which only a handful remained within the country – Lee Mi-Rae was rightly feeling moved and at the same time, deeply troubled.

Moved, because she’d be able to sell one more pair of shoes. And troubled, because she troubled, because she couldn’t find that rare product anywhere in the store.

What rescued Lee Mi-Rae from this abyss of despair and confusion, was one line muttered out by the store’s manager.

"Don’t we have a couple of things sitting pretty in the underground storage?"

However, there was a big price to pay for that timely rescue.

That was why Lee Mi-Rae was being carried downstairs by the elevator.

"What a wonderful world we’re living in now…" (Lee Mi-Rae)

It was such a wonderful world that a customer managed to track down a product even the store employee Lee Mi-Rae wasn’t aware of. Well, it had been transferred to storage more than a year ago, so she was blameless on this one.

Thanks to that, the manager was pleased as punch, while Lee Mi-Rae was getting really tired right now.

Currently, Lee Mi-Rae’s head was full of thoughts of finding the product ASAP and leaving the foul-smelling underground storage/parking lot.

"Argh, I really hate this smell!"

Trotting in a hurry, Lee Mi-Rae headed off to the storage area, built in the corner of the underground parking lot.

She didn’t know why it was built down here of all places, but what with this place so c.u.mbersome to access and all, it had morphed into a s.p.a.ce where people threw in all their returned goods and those unsold c.r.a.p, then promptly forget about them.

Apparently, the department store created it as an experiment after realising the lack of s.p.a.ce available on the actual shop floors, but…

‘What a hogwash. ’

If one thought about it for a second, how could storing your products in a storage that other shop owners had full access to, make any sort of sense? Especially so, within a lethally compet.i.tive retail environment within a department store?!

Because of this, this underground storage had become almost completely useless.

For Lee Mi-Rae, it was already half a year since she last came down here.

Judging by the fact that it took a considerable length of time locating the person with the keys to the storage, it was a safe bet that no one else had been using it recently, as well.

"Eiii…"

After spotting the thick, grey layer of dust gathered on top of the lock on the door, Lee Mi-Rae couldn’t help but frown deeply.

She really didn’t want to touch that.

She somehow used only the fingertips to unlock the door, and while s.h.i.+vering uncomfortably at the sounds of metal grating against metal, she entered the storage.

"And where was the light switch…. "

It was dark inside. So naturally, she looked for the light switch.

She pulled out her smartphone and used its light to illuminate the walls to locate the switch.

"Ah, there it is. "

With the flick of the switch, the bright light flooded into the huge storage area.

"And just where is our stu…"

Searching for her store’s stock, Lee Mi-Rae turned around, only for the colours of confusion to enter her eyes.

In the middle of this s.p.a.cious but comparatively empty storage area, a certain something was floating there.

What could it be?

Then, Lee MiRae dropped her phone.

Thang!

The battery got separated from the phone as it hit the ground. But completely unaware of this, Lee Mi-Rae could only scream her lungs out.

"KKKYAAAAAAHHHCK!!!!!"

Fin.