Chapter 104
[Ill.u.s.tration: When a woman suddenly came in.]
CHAPTER XIX.
A BITTER-SWEET REUNION.
He travelled.
He realised the melancholy a.s.sociated with packet-boats, the chill one feels on waking up under tents, the dizzy effect of landscapes and ruins, and the bitterness of ruptured sympathies.
He returned home.
He mingled in society, and he conceived attachments to other women. But the constant recollection of his first love made these appear insipid; and besides the vehemence of desire, the bloom of the sensation had vanished. In like manner, his intellectual ambitions had grown weaker.
Years pa.s.sed; and he was forced to support the burthen of a life in which his mind was unoccupied and his heart devoid of energy.
Towards the end of March, 1867, just as it was getting dark, one evening, he was sitting all alone in his study, when a woman suddenly came in.
"Madame Arnoux!"
"Frederick!"
She caught hold of his hands, and drew him gently towards the window, and, as she gazed into his face, she kept repeating:
"'Tis he! Yes, indeed--'tis he!"
In the growing shadows of the twilight, he could see only her eyes under the black lace veil that hid her face.
When she had laid down on the edge of the mantelpiece a little pocket-book bound in garnet velvet, she seated herself in front of him, and they both remained silent, unable to utter a word, smiling at one another.
At last he asked her a number of questions about herself and her husband.
They had gone to live in a remote part of Brittany for the sake of economy, so as to be able to pay their debts. Arnoux, now almost a chronic invalid, seemed to have become quite an old man. Her daughter had been married and was living at Bordeaux, and her son was in garrison at Mostaganem.
Then she raised her head to look at him again:
"But I see you once more! I am happy!"
He did not fail to let her know that, as soon as he heard of their misfortune, he had hastened to their house.
"I was fully aware of it!"
"How?"
She had seen him in the street outside the house, and had hidden herself.
"Why did you do that?"
Then, in a trembling voice, and
"I was afraid! Yes--afraid of you and of myself!"
This disclosure gave him, as it were, a shock of voluptuous joy. His heart began to throb wildly. She went on:
"Excuse me for not having come sooner." And, pointing towards the little pocket-book covered with golden palm-branches:
"I embroidered it on your account expressly. It contains the amount for which the Belleville property was given as security."
Frederick thanked her for letting him have the money, while chiding her at the same time for having given herself any trouble about it.
"No! 'tis not for this I came! I was determined to pay you this visit--then I would go back there again."
And she spoke about the place where they had taken up their abode.
It was a low-built house of only one story; and there was a garden attached to it full of huge box-trees, and a double avenue of chestnut-trees, reaching up to the top of the hill, from which there was a view of the sea.
"I go there and sit down on a bench, which I have called 'Frederick's bench.'"
Then she proceeded to fix her gaze on the furniture, the objects of virtu, the pictures, with eager intentness, so that she might be able to carry away the impressions of them in her memory. The Marechale's portrait was half-hidden behind a curtain. But the gilding and the white s.p.a.ces of the picture, which showed their outlines through the midst of the surrounding darkness, attracted her attention.
"It seems to me I knew that woman?"
"Impossible!" said Frederick. "It is an old Italian painting."
She confessed that she would like to take a walk through the streets on his arm.
They went out.
The light from the shop-windows fell, every now and then, on her pale profile; then once more she was wrapped in shadow, and in the midst of the carriages, the crowd, and the din, they walked on without paying any heed to what was happening around them, without hearing anything, like those who make their way across the fields over beds of dead leaves.
They talked about the days which they had formerly spent in each other's society, the dinners at the time when _L'Art Industriel_ flourished, Arnoux's fads, his habit of drawing up the ends of his collar and of squeezing cosmetic over his moustache, and other matters of a more intimate and serious character. What delight he experienced on the first occasion when he heard her singing! How lovely she looked on her feast-day at Saint-Cloud! He recalled to her memory the little garden at Auteuil, evenings at the theatre, a chance meeting on the boulevard, and some of her old servants, including the negress.
She was astonished at his vivid recollection of these things.
"Sometimes your words come back to me like a distant echo, like the sound of a bell carried on by the wind, and when I read pa.s.sages about love in books, it seems to me that it is about you I am reading."
"All that people have found fault with as exaggerated in fiction you have made me feel," said Frederick. "I can understand Werther, who felt no disgust at his Charlotte for eating bread and b.u.t.ter."
"Poor, dear friend!"
She heaved a sigh; and, after a prolonged silence:
"No matter; we shall have loved each other truly!"
"And still without having ever belonged to each other!"
"This perhaps is all the better," she replied.