Chapter 50
"I see you've all bought a complete set of my books—well done. I thought we'd start today with a little quiz. Nothing to worry about—just to check how well you've read them, how much you've taken in—"
When he had handed out the test papers he returned to the front of the cla.s.s and said, "You have thirty minutes—start—now!" Ryan looked down at his paper and read: 1. What is Gilderoy Lockhart's favorite color?
2. What is Gilderoy Lockhart's secret ambition?
3. What, in your opinion, is Gilderoy Lockhart's greatest achievement to date?
On and on it went, over three sides of paper, right down to:
54. When is Gilderoy Lockhart's birthday, and what would his ideal gift be?
Ryan sighed and began to write his test, pointing out each question as irrelevant to the subject in as many different sarcastic ways as possible. For example:
Gilderoy Lockhart's secret ambition to rid the world of evil by marketing his own hair-care products has nothing to do with Defence Against the Dark Arts because most of us students are not able to rid the world of evil like that and have to resort to petty wars and duelling. Which is what this cla.s.s is about. Moreover, because this
Half an hour later, Lockhart collected the papers riffled through them in front of the cla.s.s. He looked disgusted when he saw Ryan's. Tut, tut—hardly any of you remembered that my favorite color is lilac. I say so in Year with the Yeti. And a few of you need to read Wanderings with Werewolves more carefully—I clearly state in Chapter twelve that my ideal birthday gift would be harmony between all magic and non magic peoples—though I wouldn't say no to a large bottle of Ogden's Old Firewhisky!"
He gave them another roguish wink. "…but Miss Hermione Granger knew my secret ambition is to rid the world of evil and market my own range of hair care potions—good girl! In fact—" he flipped her paper over "—full marks! Where is Miss Hermione Granger?"
Hermione raised a trembling hand.
"Excellent!" beamed Lockhart. "Quite excellent! Take ten points for Gryffindor! And so—to business—"
He bent down behind his desk and lifted a large, covered cage onto it.
"Now—be warned! It is my job to arm you against the foulest creatures known to wizardkind! You may find yourselves facing your worst fears in this room. Know only that no harm can befall you whilst I am here. All I ask is that you remain calm.""I must ask you not to scream," said Lockhart in a low voice. "It might provoke them." As the whole cla.s.s held its breath, Lockhart whipped off the cover.
"Yes," he said dramatically. "Freshly caught Cornish pixies."Ryan couldn't control himself. He let out a snort of laughter that even Lockhart couldn't mistake for a scream of terror.
"Yes?" He smiled at Ryan.
"Well, they're not even dark creatures are they?" Ryan said.The pixies were electric blue and about eight inches high, with pointed faces and voices so shrill it was like listening to a lot of budgies arguing. The moment the cover had been removed, they had started jabbering and rocketing around, rattling the bars and making bizarre faces at the people nearest them.
"Right, then," Lockhart said loudly. "Let's see what you make of them!" And he opened the cage.
It was pandemonium. The pixies shot in every direction like rockets. Two of them seized Ron by the ears and lifted him into the air. Several shot straight through the window, showering the back row with broken gla.s.s. The rest proceeded to wreck the cla.s.sroom more effectively than a rampaging rhino. They grabbed ink bottles and sprayed the cla.s.s with them, shredded books and papers, tore pictures from the walls, up ended the waste basket, grabbed bags and books and threw them out of the smashed window; within minutes, half the cla.s.s was sheltering under desks and Ron was swinging from the iron chandelier in the ceiling. Ryan grabbed the girls and swiftly left before the idiot could call on them to help not forgetting to grab a few pixies on the way out of habit. "Well that was all rather thrilling fon you think" he asked the shocked girls. Now how about we grab something to eat then go play some video games. In the common room they met Fred and George as Ryan remembered something. he quickly pulled the two into a corner and said. "I have a business deal for you two" They raised and eyebrow and asked what he needed he then offered to buy a certain piece of parchment from them for 100 galleons they were shocked but not to be outdone they started a fierce haggle It ended up sold for 170 galleons and a promise for it not to be used against them. Then they all crowded into Ryan's trunk for some gaming which turned out to be a new mortal kombat game and he introduced them to the famous item everyone in America has enjoyed cup Ramen which they loved. He sent his new pixies to live in the gnome village his army was ever growing.