Chapter 81
"Don't!" she exclaimed. "Something can be done to prevent your throwing yourself away. Why can't you exchange?"
"It is too late to get into any corps where I should not be an expense to my mother," said Jock, regretting his decision a good deal more when he found how she regarded it.
"Well, sacrifice is something!" sighed Sydney.
Jock defied strange feelings by a laugh and the reply, "Equal to the finest thing in the 'Traveller's Joy,' and that was the knight who let the hyena eat up his hand that his lady might finish her rosary undisturbed."
"It is as bad--or as good--to let the hyena eat up your sword hand as to cut yourself off from all that is great and n.o.ble--all we used to think you would do."
So spoke Sydney Evelyn in her girlish prejudice, and the prospects that had recently seemed to Lucas so fair and kindly, suddenly clouded over and became dull, gloomy, and despicable. She felt as if she were saving him from becoming a deserter as she went on--
"I am sure Babie must be shocked!"
"I don't know whether Babie has heard. She has serious thoughts of coming out as a lady-help, editing the 'Traveller's Joy' as a popular magazine, giving lessons in Greek, or painting the crack picture in the Royal Academy. In fact, she would rather prefer to have the whole family on her hands."
"It is all the spirit of self-sacrifice," said Sydney; "but oh, Lucas, let it be any sacrifice but that of your sword! Think how we should all feel if there was a great glorious war, and you only a poor creature of a civilian, instead of getting--as I know you would--lots of medals and Victoria Crosses, and knighthood--real knighthood! Oh, Jock, think of that! When your mother thinks of that, she can't want you to make any such mistaken sacrifice to her. Live on a crust if you like, but don't--don't give up your sword."
"This is coming it strong," muttered Jock. "I did not think anyone cared so much."
"Of course I care."
The words were swept off as they whirled together into the dance, where the clasping hands and flying feet had in them a strange impulse, half tenderness, half exultation, as each felt an importance to the other unknown before. Childishness was not exactly left behind in it, but a different stage was reached. Sydney felt herself to have done a n.o.ble work, and gloried in watching till her hero should have achieved greatness on a crust a day, and Jock was equally touched and elated at the intimation that his doings were so much to her.
Friends.h.i.+p sang the same note. Cecil, honest lad, had never more than the average amount either of brains or industry, and despised medicines to the full as much as did his sister.
Lord Fordham had been in bed long before the others returned, but in the morning a twisted note was handed to his mother, briefly saying he was running down to see how it was with them at Belforest.
When a station fly was seen drawing to the door, Allen, who was drearily leaning over the stone wall of the terrace, much disorganised by having received no answer to his letter, instantly jumped to the conclusion that Elvira had come home, sprang to the door, and when he only saw the tall figure emerge, he concluded that something dreadful had happened, grasped Fordham's hand, and demanded what it was.
It fell flat that she had last been seen full-dressed going off to a party.
"Then, if there's nothing, what brought you here? I mean," said poor Allen, catching up his courtesy, "I'm afraid there's nothing you or any one else can do."
"Can I see your mother?"
Allen turned him into the library and went off to find his mother, and instruct her to discover from "that stupid fellow" how Elvira was feeling it. When, after putting away the papers she was trying to arrange, Caroline went downstairs, she had no sooner opened the door than Barbara flew up to her, crying out--
"Oh, mother, tell him not!"
"Tell him what, my dear?" as the girl hung on her, and dragged her into the ante-room. "What is the matter?"
"If it is nonsense, he ought not to have made it so like earnest," said Babie, all crimson, but quite gravely.
"You don't mean--"
"Yes, mother."
"How could he?" cried Caroline, in her first annoyance at such things beginning with her Babie.
"You'll tell him, mother. You'll not let him do it again?"
"Let me go, my child. I must speak to him and find out what it all means."
Within the library she was met by Fordham.
"Have I done very wrong, Mrs. Brownlow? I could not help it."
"I wish you had not."
"I always meant to wait till she was older, and I grew stronger, but when all this came, I thought if we all belonged to one another it might be a help--"
"Very, very kind, but--"
"I know I was sudden and frightened her," he continued; "but if she could--"
"You forget how young she is."
"No, I don't. I would not take her from you. We could all go on together."
"All one family? Oh, you unpractised boy!"
"Have we not done so many winters? But I would wait, I meant to have waited, only I am afraid of dying without being able to provide for her.
If she would have me, she would be left better off than my mother, and then it would be all right for you and Armie. What are you smiling at?"
"At your notions of rightness, my dear, kind Duke. I see how you mean it, but it will not do. Even if she had grown to care for you, it would not be right for me to give her to you for years to come."
"May not I hope till then?"
She could not tell how sorry she should be to see in her little daughter any dawnings of an affection which would be a virtual condemnation to such a life as his mother's had been.
"You don't guess how I love her! She has been the bright light of my life ever since the Engelberg,--the one hope I have lived for!"
"My poor Duke!"
"Then do you quite mean to deny me all hope?"
"Hope must be according to your own impressions, my dear Fordham. Of course, if you are well, and still wis.h.i.+ng it four or five years hence, it would be free to you to try again. More, I cannot say. No, don't thank me, for I trust to your honour to make no demonstrations in the meantime, and not to consider yourself as bound."
It was a relief that Armine here came in, attracted by a report of his friend's arrival, and Mrs. Brownlow went in search of her daughter, to whom she was guided by a sonata played with very unnecessary violence.
"You need not murder Haydn any more, you little barbarian," she said, with a hand on the child's shoulder, and looking anxiously into the gloomy face. "I have settled him."
Babie drew a long breath, and said--
"I'm glad! It was so horrid! You'll not let him do it any more?"
"Then you decidedly would not like it?" returned her mother.