Chapter 44
"By force of contradiction."
"If that means of longing to be in his place and put the thing as it ought to be put."
"It is a contradiction in which I most sincerely rejoice, David," she said; "one of the wishes of my heart fulfilled when I had given it up."
"You do not know that it will be fulfilled."
"I think it will, though you are right to take time, in case the decision should be partly due to disappointment."
"If there can be disappointment where hope has never existed. But if a man finds he can't have his great good, it may make him look for the greater."
Mary sighed a mute and thankful acquiescence.
"The worst of it is about you, Mary. It is throwing you over just as you were coming to make me a home."
"Never mind, Davie. It is only deferred, and at any rate we can keep together till Midsummer. Then I can go out again for a year or two, and perhaps you will settle somewhere where the curate's sister could get a daily engagement."
The next day they found the following letter at the post office:--
"The Folly, Jan. 3rd.
"My Dear Mary,--I suppose you may have attained the blessed realms that lie beyond the borders of Gossip, and may not have heard the nine days'
wonder that Belforest had descended on the Folly, and that poor old Mr.
Barnes has left his whole property to me. My dear, it would be something awful even if he had done his duty and halved it between Elvira and me, and he has ingeniously tied it up with trustees so as to make rest.i.tution impossible. As it is, my income will be not less than forty thousand pounds a year, and when divided among the children they will all be richer than perhaps is good for them.
"And now, my dear old dragon, will you come and keep me in order under the t.i.tle of governess to Barbara and Elvira? For, of course, the child will go on living with us, and will have it made up to her as far as possible. You know that I shall do all manner of foolish things, but I think they will be rather fewer if you will only come and take me in hand. My trustees are the Colonel and an old solicitor, and will both look after the estate; but as for the rest, all that the Colonel can say is, that it is a frightful responsibility, and her Serene Highness is awe-struck. I could not have conceived that such a thing could have made so much difference in so really good a woman. Now I don't think you will be subject to gold dust in the eyes, and, I believe, you will still see the same little wild goose, or stormy petrel, that you used to bully at Bath, and will be even more willing to perform the process. As I should have begun by saying, on the very first evening Babie showed her sense by proposing you as governess, and you were unanimously elected in full and free parliament. It really was the child's own thought and proposal, and what I want is to have those two children made wiser and better than I can make them, as well as that you should be the dear comrade and friend I need more than ever. You will see more of your brother than you could otherwise, for Belforest will be our chief home, and I need not say how welcome he will always be there. It is not habitable at present, so I mean to stay on in the Folly till Easter, and then give Janet the London lectures and cla.s.ses she has been raving for these two years, and take Jessie also for music lessons, if she can be spared.
"I'm afraid it is a come down for a finisher like you to condescend to my little Babie, but she is really worth teaching, and I would say, make your own terms, but that I am afraid you would not ask enough. Please let it be one hundred and fifty pounds, there's a good Mary! I think you would come if you knew what a relief it would be. Ever since that terrible August, two years
"Your affectionate
"C. O. BROWNLOW."
"May I see it?" asked David.
"If you will; but I don't think it will do you any good. My poor Carey!"
"Few women would have written such a letter in all the first flush of wealth."
"No; there's great sweetness and humility and generosity in it, dear child."
"It changes the face of affairs."
"I'm engaged to you."
"Nonsense! As if that would stand in the way. Besides, she will be at Kenminster till Easter. You are not hesitating, Mary?"
"I don't think I am, and yet I believe I ought to do so."
"You are not imagining that I--"
"I was not thinking of you; but I am not certain that it would not be better for our old friends.h.i.+p if I did not accept the part poor Carey proposes to me. I might make myself more disagreeable than could be endured by forty thousand a year."
"You do yourself and her equal injustice."
"I shall settle nothing till I have seen her."
"Then you will be fixed," he said, in a tone of conviction.
So she expected, though believing that it would be the ruin of her pleasant old friends.h.i.+p. Her nineteen years of governess-s.h.i.+p had shown her more of the shady side of high life than was known to her brother or her friend. She knew that, whatever the owner may be at the outset, it is the tendency of wealth and power to lead to arbitrariness and impatience of contradiction and censure, and to exact approval and adulation. Even if Caroline Brownlow's own nature should, at five-and-thirty, be too much confirmed in sweetness and generosity to succ.u.mb to such temptation, her children would only too probably resent any counter-influence, and set themselves against their mother's friend, and guide, under the t.i.tle of governess. Moreover, Mary was too clear-sighted not to feel that there was a lack in the Brownlow household of what alone could give her confidence in the charming qualities of its mistress. Yet she knew that her brother would never forgive her for refusing, and that she should hardly forgive herself for following--not so much her better, as her more prudent, judgment. For she was infinitely touched and attracted by that warmhearted letter, and could not bear to meet it with a refusal. She hoped, for a time at least, to be a comfort, and to make suggestions, with some chance of being attended to. Such aid seemed due from the old friends.h.i.+p at whatever peril thereto, and she would leave her final answer till she should see whether her friend's letter had been written only on the impulse of the moment, and half retracted immediately after.
The brother and sister crossed the Channel at night, and arrived at Kenminster at noon, on a miserably wet day. At the station they were met by Jock and a little yellow dog. His salutation, as he capped his master, was--
"Please, mother sent me up to see if you were come by this train, because if you'd come to early dinner, she would be glad, because there's a builder or somebody coming with Uncle Robert about the repairs afterwards. Mother sent the carriage because of the rain. I say, isn't it jolly cats and dogs?"
Mary was an old traveller, who could sleep anywhere, and had made her toilet on landing, so as to be fresh and ready; but David was yellow and languid enough to add force to his virtuous resolution to take no advantage of the invitation, but leave his sister to settle her affairs her own way, thinking perhaps she might trust his future discretion the more for his present abstinence, so he went off in the omnibus. Jock, with the unfailing courtesy of the Brood, handed Miss Ogilvie into a large closed waggonette, explaining, "We have this for the present, and a couple of job horses; but Uncle Robert is looking out for some real good ones, and ponies for all of us. I am going over with him to Woolmarston to-morrow to try some."
It was said rather magnificently, and Mary answered, "You must be glad to get back into the Belforest grounds."
"Ain't we? It was just in time for the skating," said Jock. "Only the worst of it is, everybody will come to the lake, and so mother won't learn to skate. We thought we had found a jolly little place in the wood, where we could have had some fun with her, but they found it out, though we halloed as loud as ever we could to keep them off."
"Can your mother skate?"
"No, you see she never had a chance at home. Father was so busy, and we were so little; but she'd learn. Mother Carey can learn anything, if one could hinder her Serene Highness from pitching into her. I say, Miss Ogilvie, you'll give her leave to skate, won't you?" he asked in an insinuating tone.
"I give her leave!"
"She always says she'll ask you when we want her to be jolly and not mind her Serene Highness."
Mary avoided pledging herself, and Jock's attention was diverted to the dog, who was rising on his hind legs, vainly trying to look out of the window; and his history, told with great gus...o...b.. Jock, lasted till they reached home.
The drawing-room was full of girls about their lessons as usual--sums, exercises, music, and grammar all going on at once! but Caroline put an end to them, and sent the Kencroft party home at once in the carriage.
"So you have not dropped the old trade?" said Mary.
"I couldn't. Ellen is not strong enough yet to have the children on her hands all day. I said I'd be responsible for them till Easter, and I dare say you won't mind helping me through it as the beginning of everything. Will you condescend? You know I want to be your pupil too."
"You can be no one's pupil but your own, my dear! no one's on earth, I mean."
"Oh, don't! I know that, Mary. I'm trying and trying to be their pupil still. Indeed I am! It makes me patient of Robert, and his fearful responsibility, and his good little sister, to know that my husband always thought him right, and meant him to look after me. But as one lives on, those dear voices seem to get farther and farther away, as if one was drifting more out of reach in the fog. I do hate myself for it, but I can't help it."
"Is there not a voice that can never go out of reach, and that brings you nearer to them?"
"You dear old Piety, Prudence, and Charity all in one! That is if you have the charity to come and infuse a little of your piety and prudence into me. You know you could always make me mind you, and you'll make me--what is it that Mrs. Coffinkey says?--a credit to my position before you've done. I've had your room got ready; won't you come and take off your things?"
"I think, if you don't object, I had better sleep at the schoolhouse, and come up here after David's breakfast."