Chapter 16
"I'm not a duty. I'm a person."
"I'm aware of that."
"And I can work and I can take care of myself. And if I can't, frankly, that's none of your business. I'll deal with that too."
He tried a new tactic and asked, "And how will you feed yourself?"
"I haven't decided yet but it isn't like you don't have restaurants, pubs. I'll get a job as a waitress."
His brows shot together and when she saw it, for some reason, she took a step back.
But he ignored that.
"A barmaid?" he asked, his voice dripping with derision and at the sound of it, her spine straightened so quickly, it was wonder he didn't hear it snap.
"Yes," she hissed. "A barmaid," she mimicked his tone then defended her questionable choice of profession. "It's honest work."
"You're an Ulfr," he reminded her.
"Yes, that's my last name given to me by a man I now detest so it's a name I don't want. And the other man who has that name, I don't like all that much. So I'll be going back to my maiden name and no one will even know I'm an Ulfr. Which is okay by me because the time that I was,"-she leaned in- "all of it," she stressed, her meaning clear, "I didn't like all that much."
He didn't like her meaning. Not at all.
And he didn't hesitate to take issue with it.
"Did you suffer at my men's hands?" he asked.
"No, they were awesome. Every last one. But you haven't been all that great."
"Well, you can rest in the knowledge, my dove, that you won't have to concern yourself with me," he returned. "I'll be away to Bellebryn the minute I drop you at Karsvall."
"That's fabulous news," she replied sarcastically. "But even if I don't have to concern myself with you, I do have to concern myself with your children."
This time he didn't understand her meaning, but he knew he didn't like it.
Therefore, he whispered, "Careful, Ilsa."
"You know, I've lived for over a decade being careful," she started conversationally then leaned in again and hissed, "And I'm sick of it. I've also been controlled by a man for over a decade and I'm"-she leaned in further- "sick of that too."
He uncrossed an arm to throw it toward her, sweeping it up to indicate her body, and crossing it again before he stated, "You wear fine garments. You slept in the best cabin on the s.h.i.+p, your pa.s.sage paid by me. You slept in the finest inns and ate the finest foods that could be found during your journey. I know. I ordered it and my men follow orders precisely. You look well, healthy and rested. Everything that has been done for you since you came to this world has been done with your protection, safety and comfort in mind. And you can talk for the next four days and not convince me you have not been very comfortable for the last four months all at my expense."
"You brought me here, a.s.shole," she fired back. "And left me there." She swept an arm out in the general direction of the Winter Sea, to the north, not Fleuridia, which was to the south, and she kept talking. "And, just saying, that's how it all starts, all the good stuff with my comfort in mind. Then all the bad s.h.i.+t goes down that isn't comfortable at all."
His waning patience began to fade faster.
"I am not him, Ilsa," he growled.
"No, but you throwing all that in my face says that you believe I'm beholden to you for giving me clothes and food and safe pa.s.sage. Well, get this through your head, hot guy, you're off the hook. Just let me go, you'll never see me again and I won't cost you another dime."
"And for you to leave, you need the garments I purchased for you and a loan," he reminded her, her head jerked and her eyes narrowed to a glare.
He had her.
He almost smiled.
Then she proved he didn't.
"I'll walk out of here naked, I don't give a d.a.m.n."
He lifted one of his brows. "And die in the elements?"
"At least that'll be my choice," she snapped, uncrossing her arms and planting her hands on her hips.
Apollo drew in breath through his
This was going too far. He had to rein it in.
He let his breath out and, in order to control their discussion, forcing calm, he stated, "We have an issue, you and I."
"You think?" she asked sardonically.
"Let me finish," he demanded quietly.
She took her hands from her hips and crossed them on her chest again.
He resumed speaking.
"You can't see past him. I'm having difficulty seeing past her."
Ilsa said nothing but a flash in her eyes indicated she agreed.
"Dark times are ahead for us all. It would take some time to explain this to you fully, but I will try to do what I can now."
When he said no more, she nodded for him to go on and he did so.
"I know that magic is not practiced openly in your world. You may or may not know that it is here. And there are those who have ama.s.sed great amounts of power. One, in the Vale, so much she is considered a she-G.o.d."
Her eyes widened at these words and he really wished she'd cease doing that.
With difficulty, he ignored it and kept speaking.
"And the ones of concern do not use their magic for good. Now, they have aligned themselves with a deposed ruler who no doubt has vengeance on his mind. They have also kidnapped the Cora of this world, who is not a good woman, but cold to her bones, selfish and deceitful. This is not a n.o.ble brew. They mean ill and they have the power to rain misfortune on the land, the kind of misfortune that has not ever been experienced in our world. The kind of misfortune anyone would hope would never be experienced in this world or any other."
"Holy cow," she breathed.
"Yes," he agreed. "For this reason, you are not safe here without protection. You are also not safe in your world. But I would feel better and more in control of your safety if you were in my world. After we're through this tense period, we can again discuss what your future in this world will be. But for now, I'm asking you to allow me to see to your safety. It would mean much to me to know I've kept you safe from him and kept you safe here as well."
He could see by the warmth that crept into her eyes and the softness that had settled about her mouth that she was going to concede and he relaxed.
Then she didn't concede.
"I cannot go to Karsvall," she informed him.
"Ilsa-"
"I can't be around your children."
He took in another breath, and guessing at her hesitancy, he explained, "They've been told of you. They understand."
She held his eyes a moment before she looked to the side.
He watched her profile and suddenly it struck him with a bolt that electrified his entire frame.
He didn't know what she was thinking.
He couldn't predict what would come out of her mouth. He couldn't read the flashes in her eyes. He could barely guess at the expressions on her face.
Not like he could with his Ilsa.
She was new.
He understood she was new, he just didn't understand she was new.
Entirely new.
G.o.ds.
She looked back at him, right in his eyes, but her voice was so quiet he could barely hear her when she said, "I lost two babies. A boy"-she pulled in a soft breath- "and a girl."
His gut twisted.
Oh yes, she was new.
And now he knew he'd mined some of those depths that lurked behind her eyes.
He just wished he did not know what he'd unearthed.
But more, far more, he wished those losses were not buried in her soul.
"Logically," she continued in her quiet voice, "I understand that they are not mine. Irrationally, I've tried to convince myself that they aren't what I could have had in my world. But I know with the way things are with our worlds that they are."
"Ilsa-"
Her eyes swam with tears and she whispered, "I can't do it. I..." She swallowed and admitted, "It would kill me."
It was then he found his mouth saying, "Tonight you stay at The Swan and rest. Tomorrow, we're away to Bellebryn."
She blinked before she breathed, "What?"
"Tomorrow, we're away to Bellebryn."
"Tomorrow...Bellebryn..." She shook her head sharply then asked, "What do you mean we?"
"We means you and me."
Her entire frame visibly locked tight.
"But I can't... you can't..." She threw out her hands. "We don't even like each other."
"I don't know you enough not to like you, Ilsa," he pointed out.
"Well, you weren't fired up to get to know me," she returned, the fire back in her eyes. "And the way you communicated that, I'm not your biggest fan."
He fought his lips twitching, failed in that endeavor and her eyes narrowed on his mouth.
He felt her eyes there and he felt them elsewhere as well.
b.l.o.o.d.y h.e.l.l.
Bellebryn with Ilsa was not a good plan.
But to save her the heartache of meeting Christophe and elan, it was his only one.
However, she would make the choice.
"You have two choices, my dove," he shared. "Karsvall with the children or Bellebryn with me." He began to move to the door. "You have until the morning to make the choice. I'm here at sunrise. I either take you back to my home or I take you with me." He stopped with his hand on the doork.n.o.b, his eyes on her. "I'll come prepared either way."
"I...you...we can't...that's..." she spluttered.
"Until the morning," he said as his farewell, opened the door, moved through it and closed it behind him.
He expected her to follow him, calling his name and pleading or spitting fire.
If he was honest, he wasn't expecting it. He was hoping for either one, he didn't care which. Though he was leaning toward spitting fire.
She didn't do either.
He fought back the disappointment he knew it was unhealthy to feel, grabbed his cloak from the hook by the door and lifted his chin to Henri, the innkeeper. When Henri gave him a wave, Apollo moved out into the cold and buckled on his cloak as he headed to the stables where he'd put Torment to keep him out of the chill.
He led Torment out, mounted him and clicked his tongue against his teeth, leaning forward, digging in his heels, and Torment shot through the snow.
He rode home knowing he should be thinking about a variety of things, making plans, prioritizing conversations.
But he didn't ride home thinking about any of that.
He did it wondering what her answer on the morrow would be.